So I married a Deaf man V: Hey!!

I learned early on in our marriage that my  husband doesn't like me to throw things at him.

You may be thinking "Duh! What sane person enjoys being hit in the head with a flying object."

True, true. But let me explain.

You hearing/hearing couples have the luxury of a voice that can almost always be heard, no matter where you are in the house. Let's say that you are sitting on the couch in the middle of the day for no apparent reason watching all the shows you have DVR'ed  and now finally have the chance to watch them because the kids are napping and your husband is home sick with who knows what and you become thirsty. Your husband walks by and you holler out to him,

"Hey Babe, can you bring me back a glass of water?"

"Sure." He responds without commenting on how it is 1:30pm and you are still in your PJ's and haven't even brushed your teeth.

How nice. How convenient.

Well, us Deaf/hearing couples don't have that luxury. There are only a few ways of getting a deaf spouse's attention:

Flashing the light on and off. This works great at night, as long as the hubs is in the same room or at least in a place where he can see the flashing. But is doesn't work so great when it is in the middle of the day and you have your hands full and are not near a light switch. Frustration.

There is the whole waving of your arm like you are trying to guide an airplane for take off. This, again, only works if your spouse can see you straight on or at least from his peripheral. It is a great exercise, however, for the arms. It is also really great at looking stupid in front of your kids, in the middle of the supermarket, and across the pew at church. Not. So. Great.

There is always the stomping/slapping/slamming the floor with your hands, feet, child, or whatever is in reach. If all floors had wood foundations, this would solve my problem. But who wants a house like that.

And now the final option is to throw things. This assures that the hubs will know that I am trying to get his attention. I don't throw hard things, like dumb-bells, footballs, sharp knives, or anything like that. I stay away from appliances and other electrical objects.

However, when I am sitting on the couch, nursing my 2 week old baby, and Brody is once again roping Camden around the neck while Camden is screaming, and there sits my husband, back to me, looking at Mafia Wars or Facebook, or some other really important page on the internet, oblivious to the round-up that is taking place right BEHIND HIM, I think it is quite alright to take whatever is next to me and chunk toss it at his head him. Whether it is a sock, an blanket, a wet diaper that was recently changed, whatever the object, I believe I am justified in doing so.

Hubs begs to differ. And so, I have TRIED to just throw something past his line of sight. That being said, I am not that great of an aim. I can't help it if some of those objects change direction in flight. I can't be blamed if the shoe pegs him in the side of the head.

What is a frazzled mother to do? And so I throw, hoping that my aim will improve.

I think I know what to get hubs for Father's Day.