Really? Really????

"Do you notice anything different?" I asked, pointing to my head.

You see, I got a haircut.

6 inches. I cut off six inches...of hair...from my head...hence the pointing.

That would be half a foot, people. With my thick hair, that probably weighed more than a pound. That'a a lot of hair.

When swept up it looked like a small dog.

You would have to be deaf to not notice.....

"Hmmm. Uhhhhh.....did you get your hair colored?"

Are you kidding!

Now what.....

They have all left me. Grown up and decided to leave me at home all alone to eat bon-bons and watch soap operas.

Finally!!

Too bad I don't have any bon-bons (Hubs would eat them before I even had a chance) and I am not interested in soaps...have enough drama in my life with a my teenagers.

So after I kicked my kinder to the curb....not literally, sheesh you must think me a monster... I came home and thought to myself,

"Now I have all this time to myself....what am I going to do? I could go through the closets...or go through the garage....or maybe I should do some family history work....what about starting that backyard project."

"But wait!. I don't have to do any of those things RIGHT NOW! I am really tired...like really tired. As in I have woken up everyday this week at 4:50am to help my oldest get of to early EARLY morning seminary and I am totally feeling it."

And so I kicked off my shoes, pulled back the covers and went to sleep....

...for three hours!!!

I am not going to lie. It was GLORIOUS!

What did you do today??

You want how much???

Over $500.

I can do a lot with $500.

....change all four tires on my van.

....feed my family for half a month.

...buy all needed school supplies for all of my 5 children.

...maybe buy a horse. Okay, maybe a donkey. Llama?

Or I could write a check to the hisgh school band booster so my son can be in band.

What the...what??

High school is sooooo expensive!!!

How do you cool YOUR house?

Yup. We are smack dab in the middle of summer. It's pretty much hot wherever you go....at least as far as I can see....and I can see far. LIke the moon. The stars. The great abyss. See, far.

My point: It is hot. So we cool our homes to keep us from melting into the pavement. But not everyone cools their house the same way.

There are those you have central air...that's us. It was a must when we were looking for houses to buy.

Others use swamp coolers. Such a weird name...and kind of insulting if you ask me.

There are window units....which require you to open your window to cool off your home....huh? This one confuses me a bit but so does the phrase "Fun Run," so who am I to judge?

Ceiling fans, electric fans, paper fans...whatever it takes to stay cool.

My son came up with a way to cool our house about a month ago. That is, he decided to open the freezer door....and leave it open....

....for NINE HOURS!!!!

He came home from football practice and had to grab some ice for his water. Apparently he got side-tracked and forgot one important thing: Close the freezer door.

Off he ran to help our friend do some heavy yard work for 5 hours. I picked him up as soon as I got off work and we went to dinner and a movie.

I wish I could say that when I walked into the house it was like an icebox. However, that was not the case.

So in case you were considering this method of cooling your house this summer....

...DON"T.

A confession

I stole a pen.

On accident.

From the bank.

It was in the container with my license and receipt.

I grabbed it all, threw it on the seat, and drove away.

And there the pen sat.

I stole a pen!

Can we still be friends??



*And it wasn't even a good pen.

Always and Never

Those are two words that shouldn't be used when speaking to or about your spouse.

Except when it is true. And what I am about to say is true.

When it comes to cars, bad things always happen to me. And when it comes to cars, bad things NEVER happen to Hubs.  Always to me. Never to him.

If the car is going to break down, it's going to be with me. Always to me. Never to him.

If the registration has expired and a ticket is issued, it's going to have my name on it. Always me. Never him.

If there is going to be an accident that will total a car, you can count on me being the driver. Always and forever me. Never in a million years him.

So, it will come as no shock that as I was driving to pick up Kobe from football, I suddenly heard a loud hissing sound echoing off the neighborhood walls.

"Ugh!! You've got to be kidding!! What now?"

I pulled over, got out and followed the sound....which lead to a flat-ing tire.

Really? Really?? This is like the 5th flat tire that I have had to deal with. Guess how many he has had? You guessed it....none....at least not since we have been married.

Ugh.

Car problems and sea food. Always me. Never him.

Ever!!!!!

  

Do you miss me?

He left me.

Hubs is gone. Has been gone for the past 5 weeks. He won't be back....

... for two more weeks. (Did I scare you? Heck, that scared me when I typed it and I knew it was a joke...)He's getting his masters and the program requires him to spend 2 summers in Washington DC.

Translation: It requires me to stay at home with my 5 children for pretty much the whole summer. Yeah, I'm pretty much bald and baggy eyed by now.  Truthfully, it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. My kids have been great.

About two weeks into the summer, my sisters took all but the youngest of my children. Don't you just love sisters. It was really nice. I was worried how Brig, my 5 year old, was going to do. He had already been Hubs-sick and I didn't want him to feel Home-sick. He had almost changed his mind about going the night before but in the end decided to go.

After the first day, I called and got him on the phone.

"Hi Brig! How are you?' I asked.

"Hi Mom! I'm not missing you. I'm not missing you at all."

Well, apparently he doesn't get Mom-sick.

Silly

Like most moms, before we go on long trips we have "One last curtain call...."

...meaning "Scaddittle and pittle."

...meaning "Hit the can while you can."

...meaning "Go to the bathroom, already!"

And they go. They do.

But without fail, about 2 hours in, my baby will say, "I need to go so bad I am going to die!!!" Wow! He really has to go.

So like any good mom would do, I tell him to hold it. (**I can see it now, "Young boy dies from an exploded bladder. Mother told him to "Hold it!"**)

After doing that for about 20 minutes, I pull over, open the van door and tell him to shoot far and don't drip.

But as I push the button to open the door (gotta love that), all the boys in my car decide they too need to do some bush watering. So they line up, pull out and shoot.

It always ends up as a contest to see who can shoot the farthest and pee the longest. A different kind of shooting range, if you will.

Boys are weird.

I often wonder if Hubs wishes that he join the competition. He is competitive like that.

But that would be just plain SILLY!

I am a horrible mom

My son has practically been waiting his whole entire life to play high school football.

All his life, I tell you.

And I have been hoping, all his life, that he won't. will find some other way to break every bone in his body  sport to enjoy.

All his life, I tell you.

My son is now starting his freshman year of high school...
His thoughts, "Yeah! Finally!!"
My thoughts, "What the....what??"

So you can imagine his excitement that finally he was going to be able to play football.

I was....slightly less excited.

In fact, this is where I think I win the "Worst Mother of the Year" award because this is what my first thought was..."I sure hope he doesn't make the team."

Don't get me wrong. I want him to be successful. I want him to learn to work hard for the things that he wants. I do. I really, really do.

But we are talking football, people. You know...concussions, broken bones, locker-room banter/hazing, not to mention really cold stadium seats. Football. The real-deal-break-my-boy-in-two football.

So I admit it. I thought it. I didn't say it out loud....well, not until today where I am putting it down in print for the world, my son and my posterity for generations to come  to see...uhhh...ahem...oops.

But not to worry.

Because he has informed me that everyone makes the team.

(less that enthusiastic) "Yeah!"

Why are you tired???

I'm tired.

For many reasons....5 kids, closing in on 40 yrs old, ready for Spring, 5 kids. But the biggest reason that I am tired TODAY, is because Hubs and I decided, on a whim, to go watch Captain Gorgeous....I mean Captain America last night.

We got home about 1:30am.

So worth it! It was so good. Better than the first one.

...um....I actually can't say it was better because I have fallen asleep every time I tried to watch it. Not because it wasn't interesting or good....but because I was tired...EVERY TIME I tried.

But not this time.

It was so good.

I will admit that I was a little worried that someone was going to come in the exit doors in the theatre and start shooting me....I am a little paranoid like that. Is anyone else like that? That is why I usually avoid going to the midnight showings of new movies....because...well...just because. But Hubs wanted to go and so we went.

It was fun. To be around people who were as into Marvel movies as we are.

But some people....are....how do I say this....weird.

There was a man, who I would guess was a little older than us, who was in a full blown Captain America suit. From head to toe. Leather suit, mask, shield and all. His wife wasn't with him...which who could blame the poor gal. If Hubs did that you could guarantee that I would not be attending the movie with him.

Crazy!!

Did you see it yet???

Just pay the money

Don't do middle school fundraisers.

...because if you do, the band director will give your child  a box of 52 chocolate covered pretzels on Wed and expect him to have them all sold by Friday. Yes. As in two day.

...oh, and if he doesn't sell them all, you still have to shell out the $52.

...and because you were not made aware of this clause, your child will shell out his own money to pay for the 48 unsold pretzels.

You will then be asked to take it to work and beg your co-workers to buy them.

When they are surprisingly not all sold, you will give them back to your child and tell him to sell them to his friends at school.

Good idea, right?

No.

...because your son will want to play basketball during lunch and will try, unsuccessfully, to cover the box of pretzels, which he should have left in his locker, with his backpack.

...and someone will steal the whole box of pretzels...with the money still inside.

This will make you feel bad for your son and you will end up just giving him the money that was stolen because it wasn't really his fault....but kind of.

So you should probably just not do middle school fundraisers and just give your kid $52 and avoid the stress.

One of those days.

I have something to say, and then I ain't gonna say no nore....

I HATE GROCERY SHOPPING!

All in favor?

You gotta choose........

I should root for the Broncos.
My state does touch their state.

But I should also root for the Seahawks.
They do have a deaf player on their team.

I will probably root for the Broncos.
Partly because I know the name of their QB.
But mostly because my middle son if rooting for them and that is it.

Hubs and Kobe are rooting for the Seahawks.
They know the players names.

Why must I choose if I don't really care about either of them?
Because we you must choose.
Okay, you don't have to.
But I do.

I do because we make shirts.
Superbowl shirts. Every year.
Every year we celebrate breaking the Sabbath...
...with a shirt.

And so choose I must.
Who are you screaming for?

I thought I would share the links to some of my favorite SB appetizers....
Enjoy:

Comfort Meatballs (Pioneer Woman)

Amber's Salsa (Note: Remember to wash your hands after cutting the jalepenos!)

One Hundred Thousand Calorie Bars  (I know this, because I have counted every calorie....on my midsections.)

Plus the good old 7 layer dip that eveyone knows about.

Enjoy your weekend!

And go TEAM!

Church what????

In case you didn't know this already, boys are gross.

G-R-O-S-S_!!!!

They do gross things. They talk about gross things. That make weird noises.....on purpose....in a specific direction...on purpose.

Why is this? Really. Why? I don't think I will ever understand this.

Well, as we were driving home from church two weeks ago, Brody let one fly. This is way too common. I think there is something about being in an enclosed space with a lot of uplifted people that brings the gas out of my children. 

Okay, so Brody lets loose. Kobe sniffs...gross...and says, "Oh my gosh! You just let a Church Fart!!"

Huh? What the heck is a Church Fart?

"A Church Fart is the worst kind of fart. Haven't you ever walked into a room at church after someone has cut the cheese? It stinks. Real bad. But oddly smells the same...every time.That, is a Church Fart. And Brody just did a Church Fart."

There, now don't you feel enlightened?

G-R-O-S-S

Man's Best Friend

So glad I didn't listen when Hubs said a stuffed dog was too girly of a toy for my 5 year old.

Pshaw...

"Now take a deep breath and hold it"

So yesterday I had 7 huors to waste and $1000 to throw away, so I thought I would head on over to the Emergency Room.

(Don't worry. They couldn't figure out what was wrong, so it was obviously all in my head, right? Great!)

While there, they decided they needed to take some blood and put in an IV. I'm not sure the draw-er knew exactly what he was doing because in the end, there was blood oozing down my arm and a puddle of it on the floor. He did, however, get the five viles of blood that he needed. Never mind me as I bleed out over here.

About 3 minutes after that I started to feel super light headed, woozy and I believe I was seeing little white dots. It was at this moment they informed me that I was going to head over to x-ray.

Okay, I thought. At least I will be lying down.

Wrong.

They wheel me in and the x-ray room and the man, after adjusting the machine tells me to stand up.

I'm feeling panicked.

"I want you to hold on to these handles and pull yourself really close to the machine," he instructed.

Handles? Okay, I may be able to maki it. As I stood up, the small cricles I had bneen seeing were now becoming bigger and bigger.

"Now, take 2 deep breaths," he said.

What? I can't handle breathing deeply.  Sheesh. Maybe I can do this. Just focus. As I did this, my head started to spin, and my stomach started to turn.

"Okay, now take one big breath and hold it."

Ack! A deep breath? Who are you, my torturer? Wow, everything is turning black.

"I think I am going to pass-out," I informed him.

Then suddenly I was on a tropical beach. And I was there for like three hours. The sun was shining. The weather was perfect. The water was warm. Like really warm. And it was running down my legs.

Wait a second. I don't think that is water.

"Stefanie! Stefanie!!"

I opened my eyes, and I was on the floor with about 6 other people. All of them looking at me with concern in their eyes.

I look over and there is yet another puddle of my bodily fluid.

"I think I just peed my pants."

So, not only was I able to spend half of next month's earnings, I also was able to completely humiliate myself so that I would have something to blog about.

All for you, my friends. All for you!

So I Married a Deaf Man: He's a good guy

My husband is deaf. Duh, right. He has been since he was 2 years old.

He is a God loving man, one who strives daily to live a Christlike life. He doesn't kill people, as far as I know. He doesn't steal.. He shows charity to those around him. He sets a good example for his children. He is a good husband. He attends his church meetings every week. He walks the walk and talks the talk...er...signs the signs? ...whatever.

So you can imagine how I felt when my mother-in-law told me that some woman at her church informed her that her son, my Hubs, would get his hearing back when he accepted Christ.

Excuse me? What was that?

If that was the case, then he would have been able to hear a long time ago. Long before he met me. And yet, he is still deaf. Imagine that.

Look, I know that God can do anything. He can move mountains. He can part the waters. He can calm the storms. And yes, he can even make the deaf hear. If that is his will, that can happen.

But what if Hubs being deaf IS God's will? What if there are children of God that can only be reached by Deaf Hubs? God could have stopped him from losing his hearing. But he didn't. And it is amazing to watch God work through my Deaf husband in a way that no hearing man could.

It reminds me a little of this story found in John 9:1-3:

"And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.

"And his disciples asked him, saying, 'Master, who did sin, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?'

"Jesus answered, 'Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him."

So, yes, Hubs is Deaf. Not because he made a big sin in his youth, though I am sure he did. And it's not because he is not good or righteous enough, because he is. Maybe, just maybe, God needs Hubs to do his work among his other Deaf children.

And if there comes a time, when God decides he needs Hubs to hear, then it will happen. And the glory will be to God because of his works...not Hubs'.

That Deaf Guy Comics

In case your were looking for a great comic strip about a deaf guy and an interpreting wife, check this one out.

That Deaf Guy

No, I didn't write it. But it is a fun read.

But some of you will be happy to know that I am one step closer to publishing my book......I am just a little nervous that no-one will want to read it.

Sigh.

Until then, enjoy the comics.

Thoughts on marriage

"Keeran is so lucky. He got to have two Christmases," my 9 year old told me.

"Two Christmases? How did he get that?" I asked.

"One with his mom and one with his dad. That is so lucky!" he repeated.

I thought for a minute.

"Having two Christmases is pretty lucky. But think about every other day of his life. He has to live apart from one of his parents all the time. And only see his dad on the weekends. That would be so hard, don't you think?" I asked.

He thought for a minute.

"Why don't people, when they get married, sign a contract that says they won't ever get divorced?" He was serious in his answer and to him, it seemed that this was the logical answer.

Isn't this what society sees marriage as... a simple contract between two people who love each other enough to give their word that they will spend this life together? And yet the divorce rate has never been as high as it is now. Never.

Doesn't marriage mean more?

I say to that question, yes!

You see, when Hubs and I got married, we didn't just make a contract with each other. We made a covenant, or a sacred promise, with God. We promised God that we would always love each other. We promised we would weather the storms or life. We would rely on Him to help us through whatever life would bring our way. And in return, He promised to bless our marriage.

Marriage can be hard. Rewarding, yes. But at times it is really, really hard. But what isn't hard? For every person who lives on this planet, there will be hard times, things we have to overcome, trials we have to go through. Heartbreak. Pain. Loss. You name it. 

But I can't imagine facing that alone. Wouldn't want to. That's why I chose to get married. 

Every marriage goes through a "mourning" stage when the happily ever after wears off and you are left with the Handsome Prince who farts, leaves his whiskers on the counter, his socks on the floor, and dirty juice cups in the car. No-one is perfect. None of us are.

So what! Move on,. Get over it. And love him anyway. Figure out what that looks like to HIM. What that feels like, to HIM. What that means to HIM. And when hard times come, rely on the Lord.

That's what marriage is. Caring. Supporting. Counseling. Playing. Listening. Loving.

Yes, my son. Marriage is more than just a contract. As long as you make it that.


* I understand that there are circumstances where divorce IS the only answer. I don't mean to offend anyone. Just felt I needed to write this post. 

The mind of a four year old boy....

I came down the stairs, dressed and ready for work.

"Are you wearing that?" my four year old asked with a disgusted look on his face.

"Yes I am, why?" I answered, feeling a little self-conscious.

"Mom," ...deep sigh...."you are going to be so embarrassed."

"Why is that?" I asked, while inspecting my vest for food or other unwanteds.

"Because it's pink!"

So I Married a Deaf Man: Flooring

"You know what I think we should do?" he asked.

"Sell our children and buy a small island?" What? Don't tell me you haven't ever considered..... nevermind. "What should we do?" I ask.

"We should take out all the carpet in our house and put down hardwood."

"Are you kidding me?? You couldn't pay me to put hard floors in my house!"  Mmmmm...okay. On second thought, maybe you could pay me, but only then.

Don't get me wrong. Having wood floors would look really classy. And it seems it would be easier to clean. Stain resistant. Pet smell resistant. There are many many pluses.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because we have five children." He sometimes forgets. "And those five children are not quiet. They play... loudly. They play with each other... loudly.  They play with friends...loudly. They play the piano,.the trumpet, the violin, the recorder, everything...loudly. Sometimes they are quiet...when they are sleeping. That's about it."

He just looked at me, smiled and said, "And the problem is...."

Sigh.....

He could use a lesson or two....

Were you an egg-er? 
I was never an egger. More of a T.P-er myself.

But the number one rule for pranking another person is to NOT GET CAUGHT. I mean what is the point of doing something like that if you are going to be seen doing it? Duh.

I don't think that Justin Beiber ever learned that rule. I mean who eggs their own neighbor with 20 eggs in broad daylight while everyone is awake?

He needs to take a lesson from the person who egged our house a few months ago.

I suspect they did it at night while everyone was asleep. They were aiming for my kids open windows. Lucky for my boys, the vandals needed a little target practice.

Unlucky for us, we didn't realized we had been egged until about 1pm...you know, after the eggs had time to fry in the hot sun on the front of my house.

Don't know if you knew this, but cooked egg does not easily come off stucco.

On the bright side, there has been an influx birds in our neighborhood so it's all good.  

Books!!

Remember last year when I didn't really write very much on my blog?

Yeah, well, I was reading. Actually, I was working. But while I was working, I was reading. For whatever reason, I was able to read some really great, fun books. I thought I would share them with you....because I am a giver.

Hands Of My Father: A Hearing Boy, His Deaf Parents and The Language of Love. I really liked this book a lot. It is rich with cultural information and a great perspective of what it was like growing up with Deaf parents. LOVED this book!

Dragon's Keep This was a fun read. For young adults.

29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life  This book came highly recommended. I started it, but it didn't hold my attention so after trying to finish it, I decided to stop. It was alright.

Unbroken Yeah, I think everyone has already read this book. But if you haven't, IT IS A MUST! An amazing story of survival in so many different ways. Favorite book of the year.

Divergent, Insurgent and Allegiant  I couldn't put these books down. The last one wasn't my favorite, but worth finishing the series. To me it was a combination of Hunger Games and The Giver. It's coming out in movie form later this year I believe. So hurry and read them.

The Joy Luck Club I really enjoyed this book. I kept getting the characters confused but the stories were fascinating.

The Beyonders Series  All three of them. It is a fun, adventurous tale that my kids will love! I would recommend it for young readers and parents alike.

American Sniper This is Chris Kyle's story. Of course we know that he was killed last year. So sad. But this guy was amazing. Great read. Lots of swear words though.

A Tale Dark and Grimm  This was probably my second favorite books this year. Takes Hansel and Gretel's story and expounds on it. There is death. There is magic. There is adventure. I recommend it. Fun and quick.

Death Be Not Proud  Mehhh. This book was super disorganized and depressing. Would not recommend it. At. All.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane  A fun tale. I liked it.

The False Princess  Fun read about a princess who found out she was never a princess and her adventure finding the magic within her.

Lone Survivor An amazing true story about Marcus Luttrell. I won't watch the movie because it is rated R, but the story is amazing. The language got worse as the book went on. If you can overlook that, then it is a great read.

My Story by Elizabeth Smart  Fascinating story. I loved hearing how she drew strength from her family, even though they were not physically with her. It's a tough one to read.

The United States vs. Santa Claus An exaggerated yet humorous tale of how the political system in our country can destroy something as meaningful as Santa. It is a little crude at times, but most of it is amazing.

The Uglies Series I liked the first two books more than the last. But also one that I had to finish because I just needed to know how it all ended. I didn't read the last book...The Extras. I was done.

Allerednic This was an interesting read although the last few chapter bothered me. But still overall, a good book.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty This book was so short! Like 10 pages maybe. But I want to watch the movie and couldn't do it until I read the book. Done!

Miracles and Massacres  Fascinating untold stories from America's history. I am not done with this book, but will be soon.

So what books do you recommend? I'm always looking for a good book to read. Do share!

Funny?

Funny how sleeping with your mouth open with the heater on will cause your upper lip to go numb and look like you have permanent lip liner on. A deep, dark red lip liner. Very attractive. And hot.  It matches the dry mouth nicely.

Funny how when people say the heat of a jalapeno is mostly in the seeds, they are right. Mostly that would be The Pioneer Woman. She says that all the time.

Funny how some people with chapped lips feel the need to test out the seeds to the jalapeno. 

Funny how there is just some pain that you can't describe, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes, there are no words.

That really wasn't funny.

Funny how no matter how many times you wash your hands after handling said jalapeno, the burn somehow secretly stays on your fingers and escapes into every crevice that finger touches.

And I do mean EVERY crevice. The burning is deep, and hot, and painful and surprisingly long lasting.

Somethings really aren't that funny.

This was one of those things

It's how I knew....

I had a dream last night that I let my 9 year old drive a truck that was not his

After he wrecked it into a cement wall, we left the scene. I mean, how was I going to explain to people that I let my 9 year old drive a car....that was not mine.

But then again how was I going to explain the red paint that somehow went from the stolen truck to the front of my van...which was in no way involved in the accident.

I was so overcome with guilt that I drove back and admitted to the teenager who owned the truck what had happened.

He was TOTALLY fine with it and said he hated the truck anyway.


This was my first clue that I am sick....

All you east coast friends, stay warm!!