"Keeran is so lucky. He got to have two Christmases," my 9 year old told me.
"Two Christmases? How did he get that?" I asked.
"One with his mom and one with his dad. That is so lucky!" he repeated.
I thought for a minute.
"Having two Christmases is pretty lucky. But think about every other day of his life. He has to live apart from one of his parents all the time. And only see his dad on the weekends. That would be so hard, don't you think?" I asked.
He thought for a minute.
"Why don't people, when they get married, sign a contract that says they won't ever get divorced?" He was serious in his answer and to him, it seemed that this was the logical answer.
Isn't this what society sees marriage as... a simple contract between two people who love each other enough to give their word that they will spend this life together? And yet the divorce rate has never been as high as it is now. Never.
Doesn't marriage mean more?
I say to that question, yes!
You see, when Hubs and I got married, we didn't just make a contract with each other. We made a covenant, or a sacred promise, with God. We promised God that we would always love each other. We promised we would weather the storms or life. We would rely on Him to help us through whatever life would bring our way. And in return, He promised to bless our marriage.
Marriage can be hard. Rewarding, yes. But at times it is really, really hard. But what isn't hard? For every person who lives on this planet, there will be hard times, things we have to overcome, trials we have to go through. Heartbreak. Pain. Loss. You name it.
But I can't imagine facing that alone. Wouldn't want to. That's why I chose to get married.
Every marriage goes through a "mourning" stage when the happily ever after wears off and you are left with the Handsome Prince who farts, leaves his whiskers on the counter, his socks on the floor, and dirty juice cups in the car. No-one is perfect. None of us are.
So what! Move on,. Get over it. And love him anyway. Figure out what that looks like to HIM. What that feels like, to HIM. What that means to HIM. And when hard times come, rely on the Lord.
That's what marriage is. Caring. Supporting. Counseling. Playing. Listening. Loving.
Yes, my son. Marriage is more than just a contract. As long as you make it that.
* I understand that there are circumstances where divorce IS the only answer. I don't mean to offend anyone. Just felt I needed to write this post.
4 comments:
*big applause*
I think you have the right idea about marriage. I have friends in unhappy marriages who tell me how envious they are of my own happy marriage to Jason and that I'm lucky to have found a good husband. I'm constantly telling people that our marriage isn't as perfect as they think and that he and I worked really hard to get to where we are today.
Our marriage is built upon mutual trust, faith, understanding, and acceptance of who we are as individuals. We also put in a lot of effort to have good communication and compromise on things we don't agree on. And most importantly, we truly love each other and are willing to set aside our own egos and stubbornness to meet each other halfway.
When I tell my friends that, many just shake their heads and say that there's no point in trying since their husbands wouldn't want to try and it's just easier to divorce and move on.
You have no idea how often I feel the need to bang my head against the wall.
As you know I was one of those people in which divorce was the answer. When we married though, his diseases (alcoholism, bi polar, and manic depressive) hadn't progressed as fast or as badly when he was 23, as when he was 30. And, as evidenced by his second wife, the boys and I were MUCH safer away.
That said, my boys LOVED their multiple Christmases!! And now that I am remarried, our mantra is no divorce, death is the only way out.
He's signed a paper that says I can kill him in his sleep. :) (Kidding....maybe)
If there was anything I needed to read today, THIS was it. Thank you for speaking from your heart and directly into mine.
Love love love your posts. Keep em coming.
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