So I Married a Deaf Man II: Labor Pains

About 11 years ago, Brian and I found out we were pregnant. Of course we were so excited and couldn't wait for the day. Brian, understandably, wanted to be there every step of the way and be as much a part of it as he could. He and I discussed what he wanted to do when it was time to have the baby: did he want an interpreter there? I had thought yes, but apparently he felt that he wanted the whole experience to be more personal and private. I was a little surprised, but accepted it was what he wanted.

When the big (and I mean I was huge) day arrived, I had no idea what labor felt like. I started having contractions about 7am and they progressively got worse, then uncomfortable, then painful, then annoying, then I would have to stop walking. I thought they were Braxton Hix. I was sure I was going to be late and here it was a week early.

I had put in a full day of interpreting at an elementary school, ran errands, taught 2 sign language classes, and attended a bridal shower. It wasn't until I climbed the 3 flights of stairs up to our apartment and the dam broke my water broke that I realized the baby was coming. I tell you all this so you will understand my level of pain and exhaustion at this point.

Off we go to the hospital. The contractions are closer together now and they are really intense. We get there, I am leaking, nauseous, contracting, tired, a little weepy, and half naked.

My husband, on the other hand, decides he is curious. He starts asking the nurse:

"What is that for?"
"Is that the contractions?"
"Is that the baby's heart rate?"

Now remember, my husband is deaf. So HOW was he asking the nurse these question?

Me! That's how.

I did that for about 5 minutes before I finally looked at him and signed:

"Look. If you need an interpreter, let's have them call one. But I can't be that interpreter. I am a little distracted here, pushing out our baby, thank you very much. So either call an interpreter, find a pen and paper, or STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!!

He stopped asking questions and sat down on the couch near the bed.

And so it went for the next 3 babies. We would get to the hospital, he would get curious, I would remind him that birthing mothers don't interpret, and he stop.

With the birth of our 5th baby, I was done with labor interpreting. I arranged for an interpreter and I must say....this time around was so much nicer. Brian was much more involved, he was much more aware of everything that was going on, WAY more attentive to my needs. Good thing too because the epidural didn't work...

"Ouch!" is all I could say.

And someone, not me, was there to interpret it.

Tough Luck!

I have a pimple on my nose
And everyday it grows and grows

A dab of makeup hides it well
So no-one else can really tell

I'll put that theory to the test
Kids' brutal honesty is the best

"Good morning, crew! How was your sleep?"
One glance at me and she starts to weep.

"Oh mommy, mommy, does it hurt?
The volcano nose is sure to burst."

"Lemme see. Come over here.
I'm so short. It's just not fair."

"I know just how to fix it mom!
A neon band aide, I'll get you one."

"I'll kiss it mom, so you won't cry."
 Hiding it, why do I try?

"That's much better. What do you think?"
"I think you're right," I say with a wink.

Forget the pimple on my nose,
It is my heart that grows and grows.

For these children only see,
The mommy they love. That's ME!!

Tough luck, pimple!!

You know you're a mom....

You know you are a mom when you hear:

"Watch me throw up so I don't get scared."

"You did my homework wrong."

"How did the baby get in your belly?"

"Today is opposite day so when you say no, you really mean yes..."

"Mommy, I am scared. Can I sleep in your bed?"

"Baby is poopy...and it is falling onto the floor."

"What's for dinner? I hate that!!"

"When I grow up, I am going to marry you!"

"What is an adult video store?"

"When I am a mom, I'm not going to make my kids clean their rooms!!!"

"I love you more than anyone else in the whole world."

You know you're a mom when you say:

"Did you wipe good?"

"Don't eat the dog food!"

"You are really smelly. You need a bath."

"Yes, you have to put clothes on to go to the store."

"No, boys can't have babies."

"That just means Ruffus (the dog) likes Katy (friend's dog), A LOT!"

"Dont suck your boogers!"

"No, you can't wear undies that are peed in."

"Your butt cheeks are so cute!!"

"1......2......2 1/2...."

The post I am not going to write

I sat down today trying to come up with something interesting to write...and all I could think about was the things that I wasn't going to blog about.

I am NOT going to write about how tired I am because I stayed up late watching New Moon and the bonus features.

I am not going to write about how right as I was ready to go to bed at midnight, my oldest son came down the stairs crying because he has a migrain headache.

I am not going to write about how he has a headache about 4 days a week and how we have gone to a pediatrician, neurologist, chiropractor, and optomotrist and no one can make the pain go away.

I am not going to write about staying up until 2:30am talking him through his pain, rubbing his back, heating up corn bags, wiping up vomit. Definately won't write about that.

I am not going to write about finally falling asleep at about 3am only to be be woken up at 6am by my dog who will only do his business if I let him out.

I am not going to write about how there is not ONE CLEAN towel in my house, not a single one. How does this happen? No, I am not going to write about it.

I am not going to write about how in order to get the clothes dry we have to run the dryer 1 1/2 times. I am not going to tell you all how much I covet the machines that can wash and dry clothes in 35 minutes. 35 minutes, people!!

I will not write about how we are celebrating my 4 year old's birthday today instead of tomorrow, his actual birthday, because I forgot and scheduled myself to work.

I am not going to write about how our van wants to drive on its own. I won't tell you that when it is in park it sounds like I am ready to race. I will not write about how happy that makes me.

I am not going to write about how excited I am to start execising this week...because it would be a lie.

I am not going to write about how my husband ALWAYS buys me exercise equipment/movies/accesories. I may write about that another day, but not today.

I am not going to write about wearing sandals on a freezing cold day because I was hoping it would hurry spring along.

This is the post I am not going to write.

So I married a deaf man: Episode 1: ROAD TRIP

I married a Deaf man. I remember in the first years of marriage, people would ask me if it was tough being married to a Deaf man. I would answer that it was the man part that was the hardest thing to get used to. 11 years later my answer would be a resounding...Yes! And do I have some stories to tell. 

As I was struggling to choose what I should share with you, the list grew and the stories were too many to share in one post.

And so I introduce to you:  
So I Married a Deaf Man!

ROAD TRIP

A few years ago, we decided to go on a road trip: From Arizona to northern California, to Idaho and then back to Arizona. At the time we had 3 children: 5, 3 and 9 months. The first part of the trip took 12 hours.

My husband sits down in the driver seat, all buckled up, water in hand, gum in mouth, sunglasses on, ready to leave. I am handing out goody bags, coloring books, crayons, water, etc. Making sure everyone is set to go. In goes the movie and off we go!

The first two hours are great. Then...

"She is touching me!"
"Can you open my water?"
"He is singing too loud!"

"Wahhhhhhh!"

"I can't hear the movie."
"My water spilled."

"Wahhhhh"

"My crayon fell."
"The sun is in my eyes."

"Wahhhhh."

"I can't hold it any longer."
"Wahhhhh."
etc.

This continued for the next 10 hours. My head was about to explode. I would look over, and there was my husband, eyes ahead, oblivious to what was going on around him. He wasn't annoyed by the constant whining. The fighting didn't even phase him. The baby screaming at the top of his lungs...not even a flinch. This is what he heard:

................................................................................................................................................

A big fat NOTHING! He would occasionally look over at me, with my hair all a mess, eyes bulging out of their sockets, twitching all the while, and ask, "What's wrong?"

Once we got there and I had come out of my "special place", we had a blast.

About 5 days later, we loaded up again to head to Idaho. About three hours into this trip, Brian turns to me and asks if I would drive because he wanted to rest.

"Are you serious?" I asked, not wanting to get my hopes up. "Scoot over, baby!"

I hop into the driver's seat and start driving. He lays the seat back, closes his eyes and is about to fall into hibernation, when he feels a tap tap taping on his shoulder.

"He can't open his water."

Tap, tap, Tap..."Baby is crying."
Tap tap tap... "They are fighting."
Tap, tap, tap..."They need a movie."

Tap tap tap...Tap tap tap...Tap tap tap...Tap tap tap...

About 30 minutes later he turns to me and says, "Can we switch back?"

"No way, Buster! This is the noise that I have been dealing with for 14+ hours. It's all you."

Needless to say, he no longer offers to let me drive on long trips. But he also doesn't ask me "What's wrong?" when I have the permanent twitch on my face either.


(This post was inspired by Mama Kat's Writer's Worskshop Check her out!)

What have I done?

It's the end of the world as we know it...at least in our house.  Let me explain.

For 10 years I have been cutting hair in my house. Not because I am good.  I am not good at all. It is just that their hair is really blond and so any mistakes are unnoticable and so they think I am great, I am a cheapskate so I think it is pretty great too.

Then this weekend happened...

I DO NOT cut Kyla's hair. I want my daughter to love me always. I leave the cutting to others so she can dislike them when it doesn't turn out right. This weekend Kyla needed a trim. Kobe needed to get something from Target and so we made one trip. Kobe needed a haircut so we just had him get one while he was there.

Big mistake...

Don't get me wrong. His hair looks awesome. It is now styled and cute... But the problem is this: He was introduced to PRODUCT!

I didn't think it was gonna be a big deal. But then we had to buy our own to take home. And now his younger brothers have seen the product awesomeness and have all decided that they need it too.

Vanity is running rampid in our house. They are so dang cute with PRODUCT in their hair even I can't stop myself!! Just look at them.

What is a mother to do? It was all my doing and it can't be undone. Once they have had a taste of PRODUCT there is no turning back.

What have I done? What HAVE I done??

Almost Naked

This weekend, my super small, almost 4 year old was outside playing and got wet. He started to freak out, which always happens when a drop of water, syrup, ice cream, air, drops on his shirt.

He runs in and strips down to his birthday suit. Buck would be a good name for what I saw. I started to tease him and this is what he said:

"I am not naked! I have my socks on!!"

Oh. Excuse me. I stand corrected.

(More Mommy Moments at  Frugal Mom Knows Best.)

Taxidermy Tour Guide

 Don't all kids LOVE stuffed animals? After this week, not so much! Let me explain.

This week was Spring Break at our house and so we headed up north to visit my family. During the day, we decided to go to Bollack Wild LifeMuseum which is basically full of stuffed animals: animals who once were alive but are now stuffed. Taxidermy is the technical term.I had been there when I was a little girl and so I thought it would be fun for my kids as well.

I had advance warnings from 2 sisters and my mom that the tour guide was a little impatient and mean. Wonderful! So an hour before we go, I am telling my kids not to touch anything and to be extra careful not to bump anything. I even went as far as to tell them that if they did good, they would get ice cream. (Partly because I wanted some but mostly because I knew it would work.)

We get there and she is nice enough, asking us to turn off the phones, spit out the gum and she did explain that we were not to touch anything...not even the rope barriers. Okay. Fine.

Camden was a little bit nervous when we walked in and there was a 13 foot elephant head looking at him. So I explained to him that they weren't real. That they were dead and that they had stuff inside of them to help them look real. Good enough.

Well, I knew I was going to have problems with her when Camden saw a lion and said to me, "It's not real." "Oh yes it is! It is a real lion." she interjected. "And look at all the scars he has from when the other lions bit him."Camden wanted me to carry him through the whole museum after that. Peachy!

We come to this table filled with furs that they allowed us to touch...but ONLY if we pet them in a certain direction. That was super confusing for the kids because we had told them NOT to touch and she had told them NOT to touch anything. Yet, here we are allowed to touch something...but ONLY in a certain direction. DUMB! But the kids liked it.  T

There was a deer skin that was hanging on the stair rail that she was standing in front of and that she directed people around. "You can't touch this one because it is falling apart."  Because she was standing in front of it, no one could see it.

Brody, the child that I was most worried about not obeying the rules, was doing wonderful! He was being very careful and staying away from the ropes. He couldn't see the skin, and so he leaned up against the stair rail just to peek at it.

"Don't Touch IT!!" she yelled.

Brody was crushed. My 5 year old rough, tough Brody was brought to tears. He hadn't done anything wrong!! He had followed directions and this mean old lady, who obviously had never had children, freaked out about nothing. She was standing between him and the skin, for pete's sake!!

We get to the end of the tour and everyone uses the bathroom including Brian. We waited for him for a while and this lady kept looking at me...like I could do anything about it. Because he can't hear, there was no way to knock on the door and let him know we were waiting. But even if I could I wouldn't. He obviously had something to do and wasn't coming out until he was done.

She decides to take us out the back door and directs us to the rest of the animals, hands out peacock feathers (that was fun) and said goodbye. She then proceeded to go BACK inside and slide a peacock feather UNDER THE BATHROOM DOOR and waved it around. HELLO!!! A little funny, but a whole lot rude! When someone has to go, they have to go. No amount of feather waving will change it. Brian just ignored it, but was totally offended.

Needless to say...we won't be going back UNLESS....

They taxidermy the tour guide!!

What you Really need to know

The more kids I have the less I know...I swear it is true. I remember when I had Kobe, I was so ready for anything. I had read books, and magazines and I knew just about EVERYTHING I needed to know to raise a child. The more children I had, the less vital that knowledge seemed to be. So what if most children are walking at 11 months! Mine isn't! Are those books TRYING to make me feel bad?

So I have come up with a few pointers of my own for first-time moms. These are just things that I have learned on my road to raising 5 children.

Do NOT teach your children swear words with the intent of helping them know what NOT to say....because the minute they get a chance to, they will be screaming them at the top of their lungs in the backyard.

Do NOT give your children blueberries on a 12 hour road trip because at about hour 5 they will be throwing them at their sleeping brother. (Why would anyone give kids blueberries on a road trip?... crickets chirping....)

When you make Cream of Wheat, do NOT leave out the food coloring that you put in it to help your kids eat the stuff, because...well...even a really good dentist will not be able to make their teeth white again.

Do NOT let your child's comfort item that he takes with him to bed every night be a PBJ sandwich. He doesn't want to eat it, rather he will simply ask for one so that he can place it on his pillow and sleep with it. DON'T DO IT!!

Do NOT fold laundry! What's the point? Either the baby will immediatly reak havoc on the piles faster than you can stop him, OR the clothes will be taken to the owners room and put directly back into the dirty hamper. STEP AWAY FROM THE LAUNDRY!!

Do NOT laugh when your baby starts throwing his scrambled eggs at you because it ISN'T funny when He decides, "Heck with the eggs. I'm chunking the whole plate!"

Do NOT teach your children how to open a locked door from the outside. Because the minute you sit down in the bathroom, in they will come letting the dog in behind them. Then what is a mother to do???

These are all thing that I DIDN'T learn from a book. Shocking, I know. But the real things we need to know, the everyday stuff, we learn on our own. Each child is different, each parent is different. But the MOST important advice is this:

Do NOT let one day go by without telling your children that you love them! Give them 5 hugs a day! THAT is the most important thing!!

THAT is what you REALLY need to know!!

What's In Your Vent?

My son, Brody, never ceases to amaze me. Today was "REALLY clean your bedroom" day. I was in his and Camden's room cleaning it all by myself helping them get things organized. He had just discovered that he and Kobe could communicate through their heater vents.

So there I am, trying to figure out which clothes are clean, and which ones are dirty while the boys are yelling through the vent to each other. Lovely!

Kobe yelled from the other room, "Can you see the light?" Brody couldn't so he called me over to the vent.

I crawl up to the vent and notice something in the vent.

 "Do you know what is in the vent?" I ask Brody.

"Yes. That is my food trash."

"Food trash?!" I ask, puzzled. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know what that meant. 

I lift off the cover. Lucky for me the heater was on and so once the metal cover was lifted, about 50 trident gum wrappers, along with random crumbs start blowing in my face.

After the cloud of ...whatever it was...settled, I saw this...

 

 Oh my!!

Note to self: Buy Brody a trash...a real food trash. 

Second note to self: Check the vents regularly!

What's in your vent??

Mommy Momment: Welcome Home!!

This blog is inspired by Frugal Mom Know Best and her

I had just come home from the hospital with my 5th baby.I was so exhausted because he hadn't slept very well the last night in the hospital which meant I didn't sleep very well. 

We get home, everyone has a chance to hold him, including my mom, then bed time. Off we all went.A few hours and feedings later,  I am awake trying to nurse my sweet baby in the dark...struggling...over and over again. Once he was fed it took us an hour to get him back to sleep. 

I climb into my bed, half asleep when I hear a cry coming from down the hall. It was Brody, my 4 year old. He had thrown up, and of course, no one else will do except for Mommy. So I clean him up, make him a place on the couch and rub his back. 

Just as we both are nodding off, another cry from my 2 year old, Camden. He too had thrown up, and needed only Mommy. So we fix him a bed on the other side of the couch. Just as soon as he is calmed, Brody throws up again which icaused Camden to vomit again. It was an ugly viscious cycle.  

My mom was trying to help, but there was only so much that my mom could do. My hubby is deaf so he is oblivious to what is going on and to try and wake him is like waking a bear in hibernation...more trouble than it is worth.

Finally everyone was settling down and falling asleep and wouldn't you know it the baby started calling for milk, I mean me. 

It's nice to be needed, but COME ON!!!

In reality, as hard as those moments are, it is IN those moments that my kids learn that I am gonna be there for them, no matter what!

Bring it on!

Help my boring blog...

Okay...so....I want a new look for my blog...something less BORING!! I am new to the blogging world but I have seen enough of your blogs to know there is some fun stuff out there.

Any suggestions?? Help me!

I am Your Father!

The first meeting of church usually wears me out. It takes everything out of me to not yell at my kids encourage my kids to be reverent. Most the time they are okay, but then other times they are...ummmm...NOT so quiet.

When we got to church yesterday, they were doing alright. We made it through the opening song and prayer. Then it was time to sing the Sacrament song. Brody and Camden wanted to participate and so they opened the hymn books and joined in the singing. I didn't really notice what they were singing, just happy that they were enjoying singing along with the rest of us.

Then comes the prayers and the passing of the bread. This is probably the quietest time of the whole meeting. It was at this time the Camden breaks out in song.

 Not "I Am a Child of God" or "Jesus Wants ME For A Sunbeam". No, it was a much more church appropriate song, "The Imperial March" (Darth Vador's Theme). You know the one, "dum dum dum dum-dum-dum, dum-dum-dum."

We are not talking about humming it, or quietly singing. No, we are talking about "everyone-in-the-chapel-can-hear-me-singing" singing. Okay, not everyone, Brian couldn't, but pretty much everyone else.

He was so happy with himself and I was turning red. We went out into the hall and talked about why turning to the dark side during sacrament may not be the best idea.

All Night Long!

We all have those moments when we have done something that was really silly and hope that no-one notices or that no-one hears about it?

And we have all had those moments when our significant other tells that story to friends or family, or total strangers,  not out of spite, but because it is a story all would enjoy. Today, I am that loving spouse sharing Brian's moment.

I woke up this morning, get ready for work and am ready to head out the door but I can't find my keys. I look in my bag, in the junk drawer (because EVERYTHING goes in that drawer), my pants, all flat surfaces with no luck. 
 
I ask Brian if he had used my keys. He says that he did, but he also is unable to find them. So I grab his keys instead. I step outside and I hear a car running. I look around and the only car that I could be hearing was my own van.
 
No way! Brian had used the it yesterday and had arrived home about 6pm. The car had been running for 12 hours! He either had a forgetful moment (he is getting old, you know) OR he was being very thoughtful and knew that I would need the car warmed up before I went to work this morning.
 
The only thing I could do was laugh. Not just because the car had been running all night, but that it had been running and the doors were all unlocked and it was STILL THERE! I think the only thing missing was the neon sign saying "TAKE ME!" Maybe someon considered it, but after seeing the cleaning job they would have to do they changed their minds.
 
At any rate, it was a good thing that Brian had just filled up with gas so that it COULD run all night. Bless his heart. In his defense, it's not like he could HEAR it running. Too funny!!

Nothing says I love you like this!

Last night, my Camden chose a book for me to read to my kids before they went to bed. He chose "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. This is one of my all time favorites. It is about a mommy raccoon and a young raccoon and his first day at school. The child doesn't want to go to school, he wants to stay at home with his mommy and friends and play. The mommy tells him that we all have to do things we don't like sometimes.

She then tells him a secret that has been passed down in her family. She takes the child's hand and kisses the middle of it. She tells him that anytime he feels lonely or sad, he can put his hand to his face and he will feel her love fill him up. The child likes this and is satisfied.

Now it is time for the raccoon to head into school. The mom is feeling sad, so the child runs back and kisses his mom's hand so that she can feel his love, because we all know she is the one who really needs it anyway.

Such a sweet story. I don't mind reading it over and over to my kids. So last night as I was reading it, when we got to the kissing hand part, I kissed Camden on the hand and he smiled. So sweet.

Then it was time for the raccoon to go to school and he kisses his mom's hand. Camden grabs my hand, spreads open my fingers, leans in and....

SPITS!!

Lovely! I looked down at the puddle of spit in my hand, wondering what I should do with it. Definately I wasn't going to be putting it to my face so I could feel warm fuzzies.

I must say, however, that that little act of kindness made me laugh all through the night and all day today. I laughed so hard I got the hiccups. His spit was so much more effective at making me smile than a mere kiss on the handwould have been...by far!

Nothing says "I love you" like spit!

Typical

 

Typical

What?! 5am already? No, can't be.

Snooze....snooze snoooooooooooooze...

Ack! 6:00. Ugh! Now I am gonna be late.

Curling, dressing, Primping

"Wahhhhhhh!" Baby awake

6:15am, everyone is...UP!

Shoes...shoes...where are my shoes?

Keys keys..can I borrow yours?

I gotta go, I love you's. "Bye!"

Finger scan...work work work

"Call the doctor." "Pay my bill."

All in a days work...DONE!!

Now for the real work

Preschool, "Hi Brody!"

That is nice! Very Cool!

Let's go home!

"MOM! MOM! MOMMY!"

Baby walking, Camden dancing

Brian gets a kiss

PBJ's and cut up apples

Cookies? Why not!

Baby naps, Take a little breath

Morning dishes, mounds of laundry

hanging coats and stories

I love you too!

School is out! Kids home

"How was school?"

"I don't know." "Okay."

Brian off to school

Load up, Piano lessons

Grab your books, let's go!

Hurry home. Homework

Making dinner, homework

Stop fighting..HOMEWORK!

Everyone sitting together, pray

Milk, fork, more please

Baby throwing food.

Clean up. What next?

Scouts? Basketball? Meeting?

Daddy's home. Yay!

Sing together, read together

Light saber duel.

All together

'Jammies on, brush teeth

Say a prayer...shhhh....

Start over...say a prayer

Tuck, kiss, Tuck kiss,

Kiss kiss tuck

Good night everyone!!

Ahhh, Glenn Beck. What?

Here's your water

Get in bed please

Now, Glenn Beck...huh?

No monsters, yes music

Yes, I love you! GOOD NIGHT!

Talk with Brian, then Glenn

Should clean, should read, should

..............zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Wake at 11:30...off couch

Ruffus potty, lock up, check rooms

All asleep, all sweet, all done!

PJ's, contacts, brush teeth

Check alarm...5am it is...

Lights out! Good night!!

Typical

(Thanks for the prompt...)

Going Public

I have a personal blog that I have been at for 2 years now. In the past 3 months, though, I have been putting my nose in others blogs and LOL at everyone's experiences. Mostly because they sound oh so familiar to me.
So I have decided to join in the fun. Who knows...maybe you all will find joy in my pain...the growing pains of my children...the beginning of my road to insanity. Who knew losing your mind could be so much fun!!
Come back and see me soon!!