Toilet Talk

We went camping this weekend with my family. It was a lot of fun. S'mores, bike rides, campfire stories, hot chocolate, and smelly hair. I love camping.. most of the time...

We got there and found just the right spot for our tent...or so we thought. One problem: it was right behind the bathroom. No biggie, right? Wrong. These were basically fancy outhouses.They had a toilet, but no flusher.

There was a sign on the door that said, "Close the lid when you are done. It will cut down on the smell." Believe me, my little boys don't put anything down at my house. And I can guarantee you that wasn't going to change in the mountains.

We still figured it would be okay because we couldn't smell anything when we were setting up our tent. But then some time after the sun went down, the wind changed directions and we were put to sleep with that funky outhouse smell. It was glorious!

My 5 year old son really needed to use the restroom but once he got a whiff he announced, "I can hold it until we go home." I told him that he could just go to the bathroom in the trees. I mean, it's what the animals do and it's not like he  doesn't do it all the time in our backyard is shy at all.

He responds, "Can I just stand here in the tent and pee out the door?" Because you know that those five steps into the woods is just so far.

But can you blame him? Those things are not only stinky, they are scary. I mean, it looks like a stinky bottomless pit. Only if you fell down into it, you would reach the bottom at some point and that is even scarier than a bottomless pit.

Which reminds me of a story about my crazy Great Aunt Norma. When she was younger, she and her siblings were playing hide and seek. For some reason, unknown to everyone else in this universe, she decided it would be a great idea to hide inside the outhouse...inside the toilet. She was holding herself up by putting her hands and feet on either side of the toilet walls.

As you can expect, they were a little moist and she slid down. Down in to the depths of ....despair. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it.

She was down there for a very long time because, hey, it was a great place to hide. No-one would even think of looking for her there. So she had to wait until someone needed to go. Can you imagine, walking in to use the restroom and hearing someone screaming, "Help. I'm down here. Don't go! Please don't go!!" It's a good thing it wasn't my husband. She would have been out of luck. 

The moral of this story?

Next time you go camping, make sure that you don't put your tent close to the outhouse. And don't hide in the toilet. You never know what who will come in after you.

You may not be so lucky.