I grew up in a home filled with music. Probably because my dad loves music. There was a piano and most of us could play. Dad had a guitar and would sing us to bed at night. As we grew we were either in band or choir from Jr High through High School. I was in both.
I went to Allstate choir all four years of high school. I got a music scholarship for the first two years of college where I was in the band, in choir, and accompanied some of the quartets on the piano. For those two years, music was my major. Music was my life.
Sadly, when I transferred to BYU, I wasn't accepted into their program...because every Mormon and their dog is musically talented and their talent was more than mine. But I did stay in choir and had a great time.
Needless to say, music has been a huge part of my life. When I am sad, I turn to music. When I am scared, I use music to calm me. When I want to have fun...Music. Music Music. It is just a huge part of me.
A huge part of my life that I can't share with Hubs.
Yeah, it's great that he doesn't care if I listen to Christmas music on Nov 1st; convenient that I always get to choose the genre that we listen to in the car. Never have to explain why country music isn't stupid and why rap is.
And yet....I wish he could share it with me. I wish that he could feel what music makes you feel. Instead, all he feels is the vibrations. I wish he could hear my children as they learn to play "Oh When the Saints Go Marching In" on the piano instead of just putting his hand on the frame and nodding.
How do you describe harmony? You can't really. At least not adequately. Or the sweetness of a child's voice. You can't interpret music...lyrics, yes...but the sound of music. Nope.
It's just one of those things that I gave up marrying a deaf man: sharing my love of music. Sharing that part of me.
But some day, I will be able to introduce him to music. Someday, he will be able to feel what I feel when I hear strings playing, and children singing, and harmonies that touch you to the core.
It's not because I want him to not be deaf. I just want to share that part of me...of who I am...with him.
Maybe not this life....
...but someday.
15 comments:
That makes me sad, then really happy for knowing what comes next in the afterlife. I don't know If I knew your Mo. Me too. I love every minute of it and life! I missed you!!
Aww, it makes me sad that you can't share that part of your life with him either, especially since it was such a big part of your life growing up. On the upside, I'm glad to know that you're not giving up even if it means waiting for your next lifetime to share that with him :)
Reading this post reminded me of a recent experience my husband and I had at an Idina Menzel concert we attended. We love Idina and her music, but sitting right up front gave us a front row seat to the deaf interpreters as well. At first we wondered why they needed deaf interpreters at a fancy music concert, but after watching them for a while we understood. The interpreters were performers too. Their movements and expressions interpreting not just the lyrics and on-stage banter, but the feeling of the music, were completely amazing and beautiful to watch. I found myself watching them as much as Idina herself and it helped me to understand, in a small way, what kind of experience music might be for someone who is deaf.
I love music - it picks me up when I am down, makes me mellow when I am not and carries so very many memories for me. I skyped last night with my BFF from school and she now listens to a soft rock station and said every time a Queen song comes on the radio she thinks of me and remembers times from long ago. I love classical music too and although I've not been to a concert in forever it is wonderful, as is a ballet with the music.
I had never thought about the fact that being deaf robs you of all those experiences of music.
However, as for the sharing, that doesn't always happen I have to tell you, my husband and I have totally different tastes in music!
Did you seriously just admit that you play the piano????? I feel a new calling coming on.......
This post is close to my heart, just like music. It reminds me of my graffiti post about music disappearing.
I really get this one. I love to share music with my husband. And it will be a GREAT day when you finally get to share music with yours.
=)
This really teared me up. I really loved your description of how music makes you feel.
Every time I am in a bad mood my husband will coincidentally turn on some 90's music. Works every time.
I love that, one day, you will be the one to introduce him to music. And you will. I think you can count on it.
I have no words to say to your post other than that I was here, I read your post, and remembered what it was like to be around deaf friends who couldn't appreciate songs I loved.
I feel your pain.
Great post... I remember listening to music ("Mo-tab" of course) in the car on my mission with my deaf companions. Well... not WITH them, just with them in the car. I love music too. It has a strong impact on me and part of who I am as well. I always felt sad for my deaf mission trainer, but she would say she didn't mind cuz she didn't know what she was missing. I would tell her that I couldn't wait to see her reaction when she hears the "angels singing" on the other side. One funny thing that same deaf sister pointed out to me one time... have you ever sat and watched the tabernacle choir sing with the volume all the way down? Hillarious! (Made me wonder how I, myself look when I'm singing in front of an audience. hehe)
I really appreciate this post. For me, the shoe is on the other foot. My husband is a walker. He loves to walk, to hike, to go out into the fresh air and clear his head. And for me and my physical limitations, it's just not always possible to walk as far as him. I know it will never be something that we will be able to share together, in the same way that you won't be able to share music with your husband. It's Ok to grieve those things, because it also means that you can appreciate all of the other things that you can do together. Thanks for writing this. I loved it. - G
well at least he is missing out on yoko ono's new come back album... (wink)
Music was/is such a big part of my life, and CH shares a lot of the love. I hate that you can't share that with him, but I bet he's feeling a bit left out.
not being able to share my love of music with her is probably THE thing that hurt the most when i discovered my beautiful child had lost her hearing.
ironically, she was the one of my children who had the most desire to play the piano ~ and probably would have been the one with the most stick-to-it-ive-ness!
it's one of the things i'm most most looking forward to in the next life, too!
xoxo,
amber's mom
p.s. your posts are a pleasure!
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