You turn the corner into a residential area and there it is, in the middle of the road. A large orange. No-one is around to claim the abandoned fruit. It's there for the taking. So you turn your wheels just so...making sure that your tires will hit the orange dead center, sending freshly squeezed orange juice in all directions. Score!!
You know you do this. Confess!
I admit it. I feel that urge. And sometimes I give in. But, I am wondering if I am the only one who has these weird thoughts pop into their head:
"What if that orange isn't really an orange? What if it is a bomb disguised as an orange and some sicko is sitting around the corner just waiting for someone to give in to that impulse?" Stupid terrorists.
Am I the only one who thinks this way?
There-in lies my inner conflict. Do I risk my life and the life of all my children, who are innocently buckled in their seats, trusting that I am going to keep them safe, simply for the thrill of crushing the bajonkas out of that half full coke bottle?
Sadly, most of the times I will risk it. So far I have never hit a bomb. I guess I live on the edge, narrowly escaping that imaginary bomb threat. Every. Single. Time.
On a different but similar note, when I was in high school I was driving home from somewhere with my mom, two sisters and brother. There, in the middle of the road was a pumpkin, a nicely decorated jack-o-lantern. In the middle of the road.
Because this was before the imaginary bomb threats were even a thought in my head, I of course crushed Mr Jack into oblivion. Sah-weet!!. There was pretty much nothing left.
I was proud of myself, until my little brother hopped out of the van and came back sobbing. That was our pumpkin that I had splattered across the road.
My mom gave me that look. You know that one. The one that says, "Look what you've done. You made your brother cry. You should be ashamed of yourself."
I wanted to say, "I didn't know it was our jack-o-lantern! Did you forget that it was laying in the middle of the road? Who was the genius that put it there? Sheesh."
But I probably just said, "Ooops. Sorry."
Resist the urge.
You could get grounded.
Or worse, killed.
9 comments:
Totally following you, on account of that idiot who UNfollowed you~plus I like your blog. Great minds must think alike and stick together. :)
LOL! I always think stuff like that too;-)
Too funny :) Unfortunately, I do not have the same imagination or the same fascination with squishing things as you do. I always had horrible luck with my car and the few times I ran something over, it punctured my tires and I had to replace them. It was a sign that me and cars do not mix.
I do get similar thoughts when I walk though. I love crunching leaves under my shoes. However, I stopped doing it when I almost squished a frog once. It was the most bizarre encounter because it was at night and the frog was in the middle of the road when I saw it. I still remember thinking about squishing that big "leaf" when it jumped away when I got closer. I'm just glad I didn't jump on it since the last thing I want is frog guts all over me.
I confess! I squish Coke bottles while I'm out delivering mail in the mail truck all the time, with no condiseration that it may be a bomb and I may blow everyone's bills to smitherines. Although the POP it makes when the cap is still on, makes people think it was a bomb. HE HE! -J
You've convinced me. No more squishing things in the street...especially coke bottles! (I really did read a non-urban-myth that people are making little bombs in coke bottles to cause problems in the world.)
Lovely, eh?
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haha i totally think like that...not the bomb part so great thanks for putting those images in my head...
but the i bet someone put nails in it so when i hit it with my tires the nails puncture them...and that the person is watching from the bushes laughing..
now i've got bombs and nails to avoid! :o)
If I see something lying in the road I always drive around it, but confess I've never seen an orange in the road :-)
Haha! I think about that stuff too. What is wrong with us? Bad move...running over that pumpkin! lol
Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud
@TweetingMama
And I thought I was the only one who had thoughts about bombs in the middle of the road!
Seriously, though, stay away from coke bottles. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but there are some crazies out there who are putting some kind of explosive materials in coke bottles, and when you touch it, they blow up. Seriously. It was on our local news not long ago...some idiot actually did it, and it worked.
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