Would you like a belt???

"I got a naughty note today," my kindergartner proclaims as he jumps into the van.

"Uh oh. What happened? Why did you get a naughty note?" I asked.

"I saw a girl's butt," he confessed.

HUH! Totally did not see that one coming.

"You did what? How did this happen? Where did this happen?" I was going to get to the bottom of this.

But before he could explain, his older siblings jumped in.

"How did you see her butt?" "Did she show it to you?" "Did you show her yours?" "Did you touch it?"

All valid and somewhat disturbing questions. A few I wanted to know myself. Worst case scenarios are running rampid through my head. You can imagine, right?

We pull in the drive, I kick out the others and he and I start to talk. I could tell he was embarrassed and so I asked him for the naughty note.

"FYI, Brody verbally announced that he could see a classmate's bottom. He had to sit out for a while."

Apparently, she was sitting on the ground reading a book and Brody looked over and there it was...this young girl's bottom, exposing itself to his young, innocent eyes.

 So naturally he announces, "Hey Mandy. I can see your butt."

I thought I had taught manners in my house. And tact. And kindness. And respect.

"Next time you see someone's butt, just look away. Don't say anything. Just look. A. Way!

I get the feeling, with four boys, this may be a lesson I will be teaching over and over and over again.

Girls, please pull up your pants.

It will make my life, and yours, easier!!!

That's disturbing....

Disturbing...

"Rock a bye baby, in the tree top" **Why would you do that?**
"When the wind blows, the cradle will rock." **No, seriously? Why?**
"When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall..." **and you didn't see that coming???**
"And down will come baby, cradle and all."

We sing this to our children, hoping it will help them sleep. And then we wonder why they are terrified of the dark.

Disturbing...

Doesn't Jack, from Jack and the Beanstalk, steal the giant's gold egg laying goose. The Giant of course chases the guy. I don't blame him. If I had a goose that laid golden eggs I would be ticked if some twerp kid came and took it.  Jack then chops down the beanstalk, killing the poor Giant. Jack was a jerk...and yet it is the Giant who gets a bad rap.

Why does the ax guy in Little Red Riding Hood have to chop up the big bad wolf? It is a children's book, for Pete's sake. Vomit would be better than mutilation, or the Heimlich maneuver. Don't get me wrong, I am not a member of PETA or anything. But chopping the animal in half? How in the heck does the illustrator draw a child appropriate picture of that??

Disturbing....

The amount of time, energy and lives I can waste trying to conquer the second level on Super Mario. Darn you spiky turtles!!

Now that...

...is disturbing.

Word of the day....

Judgment.

Men.

Hmmmmmm....

Now, don't misunderstand. I am in no way shape or form a man-basher. I love Hubs. He completes me. My better half. He is all things that I am not...and even some of the things that I am.  He is so good. I love him dearly.

But sometimes....once in a while....every now and then, I am left scratching my head.

Everyday is show and tell at my Camden's preschool. Sometimes we forget, but most times we try and remember. Well, I had to work one morning and so I reminded Hubs that he needed to help Camden choose a toy.

He did. Great! Not great.

I picked Camden up after school a little later and I hear his teacher reminding him, "Camden, don't forget your gun."

What?!?!! Did she just say GUN?

That was what they chose? Really? A gun. To school? 

It wasn't real. Totally fake.

I don't have a problem with my boys playing with them at home. Heck, there is no use trying to stop them. If your man child is born with two fingers, preferably but not limited to a thumb and a pointer, I will guarantee you they will, at some point, be used to shoot bad guys. Good guys. Any guys.

I have no problem with my children bringing their fingers to school. In fact I highly encourage it. Actually recommend it. It helps them count better.

But a gun?

Judgment.

Men...

Mudgment.

Joining Jenny's ABC Thursday. Whoot!
 

So I Married A Deaf Man: This is who??

When I talk to Hubs on the phone it is like talking to a whole other person.

Wait. Oh, yeah. That's because I do.

Sometimes his voice is low and deep. Sometimes it is high and annoying. Other times it is sexy and also rather scary. It all depends on what interpreter we get that day.

After being married for 12 years I am oh so used to it. But it wasn't always that easy.

Right before we were engaged, I went out of town for about a week to AZ. I missed him so much and so I called him. Through a relay operator. A female operator.

It was so unnatural for me to hear a female telling me how much she missed me and couldn't wait to hold me again. Yes, it was Hubs' words, not hers. I knew this. But I still got the creeps when she told me she loved me and couldn't wait to kiss me when I got home.

Since then, I've gotten used to women calling me "Babe", "Toots," and "Hot stuff."  Relay is no big deal... for me.

My kids, however, that is a whole different story.

One time, my kids were at my sister's house and Hubs called, wanting to talk to my oldest.

"Kobe, the phone is for you. It's your dad," my sister called.

He looked at her like she was some kind of idiot. "My dad? I don't think so. He's deaf."

Or the time when Hubs called home and my 6 year old answered.

"Mom, there is some lady on the phone saying she is Daddy. She's so weird...giggle,giggle...."

Yeah, we're working on it.

Get your ski on!!

Skiing is a winter sport. One that I do not engage in.

Skiing is Hubs' favorite winter sport. It is his only winter sport, actually. He doesn't figure skate...something about the costumes. (I'm actually grateful for that, though he was a wrestler and I don't think those are any better.) And he doesn't like to fight, so hockey is totally out of the picture.

Skiing is it.

I had never been skiing until I married Hubs.

Our first year of marriage, Hubs decided it was high time for me to learn. We decided to invite a friend of mine to come with us. Good thing, too. I'll explain.

We get there and Hubs immediately teaches me how to stop. I believe it is called plowing. Anywhoo, he teaches us that and then takes us to the chair lift and up the hill we go. (Am I alone on this one? Those things are scary, and down right dangerous. You could plunge to your death on those things. I'm just saying.)

As we are riding up the lift, Hubs says, "Oh dang! That is where I should have taken you." He is pointing to the bunny slopes.

Terrified, I ask, "What?!? Well, can we ride this nightmare back down to those bunny slopes?"

He laughed. I did not.

He assured me that the green hills were easy and that I could handle them. However, when we exited the lift and fell for the first time we saw that we had to go down a blue to get to the green. GULP!

He did his best to show us how to turn. For the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. I would try to lean and dig, but it just wasn't happening. I think my friend was ready to take off her skis and walk down. I was slightly embarrassed when I saw 2 year olds going down the hill without poles. Hubs was bored.

How do I know this?

Because he left us.

Not sure you caught that. HE LEFT US!!!!! Whoosh! Gone! Hubs no more! Seriously?!

We were at the top of the hill. Do you know how long it takes wimps to go down a hill? A very long time. Especially when you are making parallel lines across the whole mountain side, combined with 5degree turning angles . I am sure we were a sight to see. I know we were a hazard to all the other skiers.

Hubs passed us. Several times. Actually plowed a buttload whole lot of snow on us each time he passed. Just so we would know he was there. (grumble, grumble).

We eventually made it down the hill; three hours later. We did end up having fun making fun of ourselves. My friend and I. Hubs had fun making fun of us too. Stinker!

So when Hubs asks me to go skiing with him, and I say "You're kidding right?" "Have you lost your mind?" "Are you possessed?"  "Oh, probably not this time, sweetie...", why, in the name of Pete, does he looked surprised?

Really?

Really???

Ho Ho Holy cow!!

Most people have their lights put away by now.

Some people do it the day after Christmas. Others get it done before New Years. We usually do it the first week in January, when we get home from visiting family.

Apparently Officer Meanie Pants never puts his lights away. He likes them bright, and flashing, with a loud annoying siren blaring at the same time.

How do I know this?

Because I saw them. In my rear view mirror. A personal serenade and display, just for me. How kind.

I guess it was really important for him to spread holiday cheer. And boy, did he have cheer. Lots of it.

He generously gave me three...yes, I did say three... little surprises. And they were surprises, because I didn't ask for them. Okay, maybe I did ask for one of them...but the others?

Enough with the giving spirit! Maybe he didn't get the memo.

Christmas is over already!

Pick of the day!

Since everyone else is doing it and I would totally follow them off a cliff plus I have nothing better to do on New Years Day....here are a list of favorites from each month that I have been blogging. If you have nothing better to do, you can take a look.

If you do have something better to do. That's okay. I will never know. Just lie and tell me you enjoyed them. Did I just condone lying? Ab-SO-lutely.

What's in your vent? What my son does for fun.

You will feel a pinch... Urine samples are always fun.

How Do I Know? It's how a Mom knows she is loved.

TMI What kids really hear.

Lifeguard!! The things we do for money.

I see London. I see France  A really bad dream.

Remember to Flush When my son introduced a toy to the toilet.

Every Night This one freaked everyone out.

Mormon Myth Buster Just some clarifications.

Justice and Mercy This is why I love Hubs.


And of course, I can't forget the So I Married a Deaf Man series...

Bedtime If a tree falls in the forest... (my pick)

Louder Please Nothing a little screaming can't fix. (Hubs' pick.)

Alrighty-tighty. I'll be back.

Here's to happy blogging for the year 2011!