It's kind of like after having a baby. You keep looking for that routine that you had before and guess what. It ain't coming back. Not in this lifetime. You just develop a new one.
I am not a developer.
"Stop whining," you say. What I wish you would say is this, "If you don't stop whining I am going to put you in Time Out." At which point I would continue whining long enough to get a substantial amount of Time Out time but not too long to trigger the 'extra job' punishment as well.
Kids just don't appreciate Time Out.
Back to my point...I keep searching for some time to just slow down and enjoy my children; to not be rushing to make dinner, or rushing to do homework, or losing my patience because things are a mess. But the more I look, the less time I find.
I think about a talk that Julie B. Beck, the leader of the women's organization in my church, gave regarding women who understand the importance of motherhood,
"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world. Their goal is to prepare future fathers and mothers who will be builders of the Lord’s kingdom for the next 50 years. That is influence; that is power."
I am a woman who knows but still did too much. Some of it is the natural stretching that comes with being a mother of 5 children. They all have needs...you know, like eating and bathing and socializing and playing and having clean clothing and getting an education, sleeping. But I also want them to be well rounded. So most of my children are in activities. Normally I let them take turns. But for whatever reason, all but my 2 year old is in something.
I go to bed at night flustered because I feel like my kids are slipping through my hands. I feel like I don't get enough time to let them feel my love for them. I tell them all the time, but feeling it is a totally different thing. I do so much for them, but when you are a child, laundry and cooking and cleaning and driving and shopping and working do not translate into love.
To children, love is spelled T.I.M.E. And this is something that I have made nearly impossible to give.
I have always thought that it was a matter of balance, but balance just isn't the right word. Balance is completely impossible, because balance means giving equal time to all things. Prioritizing the most important things seems to be my struggle.
How do you do it? How do make sure you have time for scriptures and personal prayer and family time and playing time with all your kids? Is it possible to do it all? Or at least most of it? You are all so amazing and I could really use your advice.
How do you do it?
10 comments:
I remember that talk and love it. We have seasons like that where we "do less" and some not like that. I love the school clubs since they are once a week and they just stay after school. No drop off. I do not claim to have my priorities in place, but it seems like after a busy season, we slow down and have a calm one and back and forth. You are right, you are having a very busy one right now. I say if you can drop something, do it. Or in the Winter, do less. It's really hard though. Which child will you tell, sorry you get to do nothing this season???
You are doing it! Some days are good. Some days are great. Some days.... Not so much. listen to your heart. Stick to your core values and focus on those. You are right though, time is limited and it slips through your hands like sand.
just like it took time to adjust to parenting, I think it takes time to adjust to parenting older kids and teens. As their lives become busier, your life becomes busier, it just goes with the territory. You learn to relish your family time and squeeze time for yourself in admist the other activities. You also learn that family time doesn't always include everyone and that ok. You will make it work, but like all of parenting, it isn't easy!
I feel just like you do. Right now the kids are in karate, soccer, and soon, flag football. But they love it so much and it's great exercise and it is only 6 weeks, except karate, which never ends! My kids seem to do less as they get older and with Tanner driving soon it will help.
What is this 'settle down' you mention? I know not of what you speak.
I love this: "to children, love is spelled T.I.M.E." So true. We are pinching pennies, struggling so much, and sometimes I wonder if my kids would be happier if I were working all the time so we'd have more money, and they would have more stuff. But deep down, I know that's not true.
You're already doing it, Stef! You are there nurturing them at every level, whether you are cooking or cleaning or working or praying or playing or even punishing. It's all part of being that person who is always there, making their world a safe and secure place.
It kinda reminds me of a love song by James Taylor, but it applies to children and their moms, too:
"And I feel fine any time she's around me now;
she's around me now, almost all the time.
And if I'm well you can tell that she's been with me now, she's been with me now,
quite a long, long tiime.
Yes, and I feel fine."
The love is in the being there.
=)
My full stop usually comes when I need it most.
Someone gets sick, and I stop everything to take care of them.
Sad, but true.
Sometimes though, it's in making their favorite dinner, buying them an ice cream, or curling up and watching TV with them. (Even if I fall asleep in the first 5 minutes.)
Stop wearing the Mom belt of guilt, darlin'... it's two sizes too big and doesn't match your wardrobe anyway.
:)
I agree. I also have 5 kids and it was/is hectic - they all have schedules and they all have needs.
All of the laundry and cooking, etc...is giving time. Maybe not in the definition you are thinking of, but they will look back and know that you did all of those things. They will know that you gave them your time, even if it doesn't feel like it to you.
Sometimes you can't fit it all in and that is ok - do what you can and you will still be ahead of the game.
We were never ever perfect at FHE, or scripture study but we just do the best we can. I heard a General Authority say the exact same thing last year and it made me feel a whole lot better.
I think you are doing AWESOME!!!
Pich the stuff that's important to YOU. Everything else let go.
I always limited extra-curricular stuff to 1 thing 1 child per school year. I don't know if it was the right thing but it was impossible to keep up with three and have time to pee.
I've been wondering how so many mother's juggle everything everyday. I have only one child and I can barely keep it together with the time management. The fact that you have *five* and you still work and do so many things make you a supermom in my book. How *do* you do it?
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