Things I've learned....

...doing yard work.

1. Cutting down bushes is fun. Cutting out roots...not fun.

2. The lawn mower can also be used as a grass vacuum.

3. Having an ice cold Diet Coke handy is a requirement that cannot be skipped.

4. Yard work requires at least two trips to Home Depot within 3 hours.

5. Listening to an audiobook makes time go by faster. Plus you can yell at your children to "Get to work!" and not have to listen to their whining or excuses.

6. Let the tan competition begin.

7. If there are sticks anywhere within a 50 yard radius, you can forget about getting help from any boy 11 years and under.

8. Your husband is sure to need five tools that you do not own to get the job done right.

9. Without fail, your child will inform you they have a banquet that you have to attend 15 minutes before you are supposed to be there and 5 minutes after finishing said yard work.

10. There is almost no other work that is more rewarding than a yard well done. That and childbirth.

Almost exactly the same

As far as I am concerned, my kids get to ride in a limousine every day of their lives.

I mean we have all the same amenities:

A driver
DVD Player
Loud music.
Sunroof.
Tinted windows.
Lots of room
Doors that can be open for you with a push of a button.
Fits lots of people.

The only difference I see?

No-one tips the driver.

Huh.....

Blackmailed

I am innocent.

I didn't do what they are saying I did.

Even though they have a video. A very misleading video, I might add. A video that they like to play over and over and over again.

And they laugh. Out loud. As in rolling on the floor laughing.

At me.

I am innocent!

"So...what is on that video?" you may be asking.

Well, before we get into that, let me give you the whole story.

Brody, my middle child, had misplaced his phone. And then it died so there was no way to call it. He was really upset...almost to tears.

I had kindly asked all my kids to help find his phone.

Then I sternly asked them.

Then I angrily ordered them.

Then I yelled.

They kind of  looked. For five seconds.

I looked everywhere in the room he had last had it. I looked on the floor. I looked under the couch. I looked on top the couch. I looked on the tv table. I looked everywhere.

Finally I decided that maybe it was stuck in the couch. Things have been known to fall between the cushions and stay there unless the couch is jiggled enough.

So, in order to see if this was the case, I went to one side of the couch and began bumping the couch with the top of my thighs. And because I wanted the phone, if it was indeed there, to fall out, I used quite a bit of energy in the bumping of the arm of the couch.

My daughter, who was sitting on the floor across the room, not helping to look for the lost phone was busy recording me. Bumping the couch.

"Mom! Why are you humping the couch?" she laughed.

Where did she learn that word....and why would she think I was doing that to my couch?!?!

And that is what is on the video.

I am innocent!

I am innocent and I am being blackmailed.

Book: Columbine

"Columbine" by Dave Cullen

 

Goodreads Summary
"The tragedies keep coming. As we reel from the latest horror . . . " So begins a new epilogue, illustrating how Columbine became the template for nearly two decades of "spectacle murders." It is a false script, seized upon by a generation of new killers. In the wake of Newtown, Aurora, and Virginia Tech, the imperative to understand the crime that sparked this plague grows more urgent every year.

What really happened April 20, 1999? The horror left an indelible stamp on the American psyche, but most of what we "know" is wrong. It wasn't about jocks, Goths, or the Trench Coat Mafia. Dave Cullen was one of the first reporters on scene, and spent ten years on this book-widely recognized as the definitive account. With a keen investigative eye and psychological acumen, he draws on mountains of evidence, insight from the world's leading forensic psychologists, and the killers' own words and drawings-several reproduced in a new appendix. Cullen paints raw portraits of two polar opposite killers. They contrast starkly with the flashes of resilience and redemption among the survivors

My review
I remember when this happened. It was horrible. This book helped to clear up some of the false stories that were relayed via the media. Not only that, we get a glimpse into the two boys who caused so much bloodshed. We get to hear, in their own words, what they were thinking at the time. This book is heavy. It is shocking and tragic and unbelievable and informative all at the same time. It is definitely PG-13 language. I wish there was a way to make sure that nothing like this could ever happen again.

The haircut

I considered myself a nice person. Still do.

But junior high seems to bring out the worst in all of us. At least it did with me.

It all started with a haircut. Mine. It was cute. Short. Perm-y. So of course my best friend decided to get her hair cut like mine. Perfect. Now, because we both had the same haircut, we now owned the haircut.

Or at least that is how we acted.

Another girl who hung out in our group saw our haircut and decided she too wanted it. Without asking our permission, she cut it. How rude! How unoriginal!! How unacceptable!!!

So we did what any jerky junior high girls would do: We kicked her out of the group.

I know. That is so horrible. And mean. And petty. And embarrassing.

I can only imagine how horrible she must have felt. And I caused it. Over a haircut. That I copied from someone else.

I pray no-one does this to my daughter.

Yeah, that is one 7th grade memory I wish I could erase.

Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole

This is another good one that MOST the family loved.

Chicken Cordon Bleu Casserole

Recipe and picture found here. 

 

Ingredients

For the casserole:

• 1 whole cooked chicken, bones removed, meat diced or shredded (rotisserie chicken is excellent, should have 5-6 cups)
• 1/2 pound very thinly sliced deli-style honey ham, rough chopped
• 1/4  pound thin sliced baby Swiss cheese

For the sauce:

• 4 tablespoons butter
• 4 tablespoons flour
• 3 1/4 cups milk
• 2 tablespoons fresh squeezed lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon dijon mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1/4 teaspoon pepper
• salt, to taste

For the topping:

• 6 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 1/2 cups panko bread crumbs
• 1 1/2 teaspoons crushed dried parsley
• salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 F. Butter a 9- x 13-inch baking dish. Set aside.

Put cooked shredded or diced chicken on the bottom of the baking dish. Rough chop the ham and scatter it over the top of the chicken. Lay the Swiss cheese on top of the ham.

To make the sauce: Melt the butter in a large sauce pot over medium heat. When butter is melted, quickly stir in the flour to form a smooth roux. Do not brown! Once the roux is smooth and bubbly, slowly pour in the cold milk while stirring briskly to make a smooth sauce. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until the sauce thickens. Stir in the lemon juice, Dijon mustard, salt, smoked paprika and white pepper. Bring sauce just back to a low boil and turn off heat. Pour sauce evenly over the casserole, being certain to get some of the sauce around the edges of the pan.

To make the topping: Melt the butter in the microwave in a medium sized microwaveable bowl. Heat it for 30 seconds at a time and stop once it’s melted. Take the bowl out of the microwave and stir in the panko bread crumbs, seasoning salt and crushed dried parsley. Sprinkle over the top of the casserole.

Bake casserole uncovered for 45 minutes until hot and bubbly throughout and topping has turned a light golden brown. Remove from oven and allow to cool for 5-10 minutes prior to serving.

Death by MURPH

Have you met Murph?

 

If you have met Murph,

you would remember.

If you haven't,

consider yourself lucky!

 

Murph is not a person.

 It is a workout.

A mean,

ugly,

 workout.

 

Let me introduce you to

The Murph:

 

1 mile run

100 pull-ups

200 push-ups

300 squats

1 mile run

 

A horrible workout.

How do I know this?

 

Because I watched

 my husband & son

do it...

yesterday.

The Memorial Day Murph.

 

As if watching them wasn't enough,

 they convinced me & my daughter

 to do a 1/4 Murph.

That's because we are 1/4 the crazy they are.

 

I hurt.

Walking up stairs...hurts.

Walking down stairs...hurts.

Squatting to use the restroom...hurts.

Sleeping....doesn't hurt,

But then I roll over.

Rolling over...hurts.

 

Can someone please shoot me

and put me out of my misery?

 

I hate Murph!!

In all it's proportions.