So I Married A Deaf Man: Double Take

We all try to teach our kids that it isn't polite to stare at people. I learned it when I was a kid. I hope that I have taught it to my children. We went in yesterday to get Camden's cast off and there was a baby with a club foot. I had to remind myself and my children that it isn't polite to stare.

I think that it is interesting that the urge to stare never leaves us. We may try to look in an inconspicuous manner, but the urge to do it is there. I can promise, you are not the only one who wants to stare at something new or different. I can promise you this because I can't tell you how many times we have been on the receiving end of the stare.

Because my husband is deaf, we are used to the staring. (He is also really cute, but I am pretty sure it is the signing that they are staring at.) If we are going into public, you can guarantee that we are going to be looked at. (more reason to look nice when I go out with Hubs.) We go to the store and kids will look at us until we are out of  sight. We go to the park, children will stare while backing up to their mothers. We are kind of scary, you know. We are either fascinating or we are terrifying.

We understand they are children and they don't know any better.

Then there are the teenagers who do know better but don't have the brain capacity to refrain from not only staring, but poking fun. I remember one time when we were just married, a car of teenagers pulled up next to us as Hubs and I are having a conversation. They all start waving their hands and making silly faces. I wanted to used a universal sign to those idiots, but I DO have the brain capacity to refrain from impulse reactions.

Shockingly, though, I am most surprised at the amount of adults we get who stare and talk about us when we are out in public. Oh, they try to be discrete about it, but there is a whole lot of staring going on. I get the double take. No biggie...but to keep coming back. Really?

Here we are, Hubs and I, on our  yearly date, sitting at our table waiting to be served. We start to have a private conversation when we notice that the couple at the table next to us is staring at us. Not just looking, noticing and carrying on. We are talking full on staring. And not only that, they are talking about us. Granted, we know they probably don't understand a word that we are saying, and they didn't know that I could hear them but you try having a normal conversation when 2 people keep staring at you. It is annoying at best.

I would like to say that I stood up, walked over to them and said, "You know. I can hear you talking about us, but even if I couldn't we can SEE you staring at us. My husband is DEAF not blind. Didn't your mom's teach you it wasn't polite to stare?" But I didn't.

We usually just stare back and that makes them uncomfortable enough to stop staring. "Oh, no. We have been caught. Look away. Look away!" I have also thought about doing the universal military sign of "I'm watching you" with my 2 fingers.

I know I sound bothered. I am, but not really. It is just something that we have gotten used to it. Hubs has dealt with it his whole life. Who am I to complain about 11 years of it. We have had to explain to our children that people are going to stare, kids are going to point and some children may even cry.

"It's because you are different. Special different. People think that sign language is really cool and so to see little kids signing to an adult, they are totally impressed. Just ignore the idiots who poke fun and smile back at the ones who keep watching. They think you are special."

We are an amazing group and so why should I care if people stare? Probably because I have been taught it was rude to stare at people. And probably because I have tried to teach that to my children.

Look once and you are human. Look twice and you are a slow human. Keep on looking and you better watch out. Not all Deaf people are as nice as we are.

They may getcha!


(Also posted Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop)