The mind of a four year old boy....

I came down the stairs, dressed and ready for work.

"Are you wearing that?" my four year old asked with a disgusted look on his face.

"Yes I am, why?" I answered, feeling a little self-conscious.

"Mom," ...deep sigh...."you are going to be so embarrassed."

"Why is that?" I asked, while inspecting my vest for food or other unwanteds.

"Because it's pink!"

So I Married a Deaf Man: Flooring

"You know what I think we should do?" he asked.

"Sell our children and buy a small island?" What? Don't tell me you haven't ever considered..... nevermind. "What should we do?" I ask.

"We should take out all the carpet in our house and put down hardwood."

"Are you kidding me?? You couldn't pay me to put hard floors in my house!"  Mmmmm...okay. On second thought, maybe you could pay me, but only then.

Don't get me wrong. Having wood floors would look really classy. And it seems it would be easier to clean. Stain resistant. Pet smell resistant. There are many many pluses.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because we have five children." He sometimes forgets. "And those five children are not quiet. They play... loudly. They play with each other... loudly.  They play with friends...loudly. They play the piano,.the trumpet, the violin, the recorder, everything...loudly. Sometimes they are quiet...when they are sleeping. That's about it."

He just looked at me, smiled and said, "And the problem is...."

Sigh.....

He could use a lesson or two....

Were you an egg-er? 
I was never an egger. More of a T.P-er myself.

But the number one rule for pranking another person is to NOT GET CAUGHT. I mean what is the point of doing something like that if you are going to be seen doing it? Duh.

I don't think that Justin Beiber ever learned that rule. I mean who eggs their own neighbor with 20 eggs in broad daylight while everyone is awake?

He needs to take a lesson from the person who egged our house a few months ago.

I suspect they did it at night while everyone was asleep. They were aiming for my kids open windows. Lucky for my boys, the vandals needed a little target practice.

Unlucky for us, we didn't realized we had been egged until about 1pm...you know, after the eggs had time to fry in the hot sun on the front of my house.

Don't know if you knew this, but cooked egg does not easily come off stucco.

On the bright side, there has been an influx birds in our neighborhood so it's all good.  

Books!!

Remember last year when I didn't really write very much on my blog?

Yeah, well, I was reading. Actually, I was working. But while I was working, I was reading. For whatever reason, I was able to read some really great, fun books. I thought I would share them with you....because I am a giver.

Hands Of My Father: A Hearing Boy, His Deaf Parents and The Language of Love. I really liked this book a lot. It is rich with cultural information and a great perspective of what it was like growing up with Deaf parents. LOVED this book!

Dragon's Keep This was a fun read. For young adults.

29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life  This book came highly recommended. I started it, but it didn't hold my attention so after trying to finish it, I decided to stop. It was alright.

Unbroken Yeah, I think everyone has already read this book. But if you haven't, IT IS A MUST! An amazing story of survival in so many different ways. Favorite book of the year.

Divergent, Insurgent and Allegiant  I couldn't put these books down. The last one wasn't my favorite, but worth finishing the series. To me it was a combination of Hunger Games and The Giver. It's coming out in movie form later this year I believe. So hurry and read them.

The Joy Luck Club I really enjoyed this book. I kept getting the characters confused but the stories were fascinating.

The Beyonders Series  All three of them. It is a fun, adventurous tale that my kids will love! I would recommend it for young readers and parents alike.

American Sniper This is Chris Kyle's story. Of course we know that he was killed last year. So sad. But this guy was amazing. Great read. Lots of swear words though.

A Tale Dark and Grimm  This was probably my second favorite books this year. Takes Hansel and Gretel's story and expounds on it. There is death. There is magic. There is adventure. I recommend it. Fun and quick.

Death Be Not Proud  Mehhh. This book was super disorganized and depressing. Would not recommend it. At. All.

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane  A fun tale. I liked it.

The False Princess  Fun read about a princess who found out she was never a princess and her adventure finding the magic within her.

Lone Survivor An amazing true story about Marcus Luttrell. I won't watch the movie because it is rated R, but the story is amazing. The language got worse as the book went on. If you can overlook that, then it is a great read.

My Story by Elizabeth Smart  Fascinating story. I loved hearing how she drew strength from her family, even though they were not physically with her. It's a tough one to read.

The United States vs. Santa Claus An exaggerated yet humorous tale of how the political system in our country can destroy something as meaningful as Santa. It is a little crude at times, but most of it is amazing.

The Uglies Series I liked the first two books more than the last. But also one that I had to finish because I just needed to know how it all ended. I didn't read the last book...The Extras. I was done.

Allerednic This was an interesting read although the last few chapter bothered me. But still overall, a good book.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty This book was so short! Like 10 pages maybe. But I want to watch the movie and couldn't do it until I read the book. Done!

Miracles and Massacres  Fascinating untold stories from America's history. I am not done with this book, but will be soon.

So what books do you recommend? I'm always looking for a good book to read. Do share!

Funny?

Funny how sleeping with your mouth open with the heater on will cause your upper lip to go numb and look like you have permanent lip liner on. A deep, dark red lip liner. Very attractive. And hot.  It matches the dry mouth nicely.

Funny how when people say the heat of a jalapeno is mostly in the seeds, they are right. Mostly that would be The Pioneer Woman. She says that all the time.

Funny how some people with chapped lips feel the need to test out the seeds to the jalapeno. 

Funny how there is just some pain that you can't describe, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes, there are no words.

That really wasn't funny.

Funny how no matter how many times you wash your hands after handling said jalapeno, the burn somehow secretly stays on your fingers and escapes into every crevice that finger touches.

And I do mean EVERY crevice. The burning is deep, and hot, and painful and surprisingly long lasting.

Somethings really aren't that funny.

This was one of those things

It's how I knew....

I had a dream last night that I let my 9 year old drive a truck that was not his

After he wrecked it into a cement wall, we left the scene. I mean, how was I going to explain to people that I let my 9 year old drive a car....that was not mine.

But then again how was I going to explain the red paint that somehow went from the stolen truck to the front of my van...which was in no way involved in the accident.

I was so overcome with guilt that I drove back and admitted to the teenager who owned the truck what had happened.

He was TOTALLY fine with it and said he hated the truck anyway.


This was my first clue that I am sick....

All you east coast friends, stay warm!!

Not the fabreze!!!

I just remembered a pet peeve that I have and I thought I would share it with you all. Because that's the kind of friend I am....a sharer...and a giver.

I had totally forgot that I hate these things until Hubs went and bought 130 of these suckers at Sam's Club. Okay, so technically I bought them but only because he doesn't have a membership at Sam's Club. Only I do...which is weird because it is his parents who pay for our membership and for reasons unknown to us did not include his name on the account. I guess he can't be trusted to be alone in that warehouse. 

Anyway, he went with me to Sam's and he offered to run and get the bags while I stood in line. I am also lazy like that. In my defense they were clear on the other side of the store and we had a cartload of food and a great place in line. Plus he volunteered. Not because he is nice. Oh no. It was the samples that brought on this sudden act of kindness. Whatever...I'll take it.

By the time he got back with the bags, it was our turn and it was too late to exchange them. So that is how I was tricked into buying these bags. I was tricked.

There is just something wrong with having garbage bags that smell like my grandma. Garbage shouldn't smell fresh, and flowery, and Fabreze-y. I like my garbage to stink like garbage should, thank you very much.

Having good smelling garbage bags is like putting Axe on a baby. No! Stop that!! It's just WRONG!!!

So I must suffer daily for the next 3 months.....ugh!!

Pray for me, would ya?