Air soft...yeah right.

My son owns a gun.

An air-soft gun. Why are they named that anyway?  It's not shooting air and when it hits you it hurts. No softness about it.  Kobe has recieved many a bruise from these air-soft guns. Basically it's a BB gun with platic BB's.

I know, because I have picked up about a million of them with my bare hands. I tried picking them up with my vaccum, too. Yeah, that doesn't work very well at all.

Reguardless, those little suckers can really hurt someone. Just ask Briggy.

I was exercising the other day (Hey now, get off the floor...it does happen every now and again) and Briggy came into the room saying he needed to blow his nose. "I need to get it out," is what he said.

So I gave him a tissue. "Blow it in this," I instructed him. -Side note, teaching kids how to blow their nose is so hard. They just want to suck in their stuff. Anyone else have that problem? End sidenote-

So he blew and I thought we were done with it, right?

Wrong. He kept saying, "How do I get it out, Mommy? It really hurts."

"Wow. Okay, well blow really hard. Sometimes the boogies are hard to get out. So blow really really hard."

He did. Nothing.

By this point he is crying. Wow, this kid is really wants the boogies out.

"Ok, Briggy. Blow as hard as you can," I coached. And blow he did. And out came one of those air-soft pellets.

Good thing he didn't sniff that one up into his brain. Can you imagine. "What happened to him?"

"Oh, you know. He snorted air-soft pellets as a child."

See, dangerous!

'tis the Season

Five kids. Three stores.

That was to be the extent of our outing.

Three quick stops to pick up a few needed items and then we would be done.

Five kids. Three stores.

Store #1 Kohl's.

So much on sale. So little time. Focus. Focus. Five minutes in. Five minutes out. Quick and painless.

Again, five children.

If you have boys you may know what "corn-dogs" and "hot dogs" are...If not, just know we are not talking about food. Nope. Both require one person's knee and another person's lower half.

Apparently Kohl's brings out "dog-ers" in my children.

Store #2 Hobby Lobby

I was in need of some crafts and a few gifts for my sister. This shouldn't be as bad, thought I. I mean, it is a craft store. Kids love crafts.

And they did.

I learned to stop telling your 12 year old to act his age, because when he is bugging everyone around him, he IS acting his age.

Store #3 Deseret Book

This one should have been the easiest, right? Smallest store. A bunch of pictures of Christ, hanging on the wall. Music about Christ playing in the background. Books about Christ displayed on every shelf. Yeah, this ought to be a breeze.

Except that they have this table of building blocks to distract children so mothers can spend and spend and spend.

My kids enjoy fighting over building blocks, especially when Jesus watching them.


Three stores. Five kids.

Frazzled mom!

'Tis the Season....

All in the name of pillows.

Alright. Is anyone else done with Black Friday?

 I was never really into Black Friday until about 4 years ago. Since then, I have gone somewhere every year. I don't go to get the deal...at least not entirely.

It's more about doing something sneaky. You know, when everyone is asleep, unaware that you are not home. Unaware that you are out spending money. On them.

There's just something about being out in the middle of a really cold night, in a very long line with other people who are just as excited as you are, freezing their butts of for pillows. Fun, right?

Well, it is.

Then they changed the time. 

Hello! My family isn't sleeping yet! It isn't cold enough! It isn't dark enough! There is no sneaking!! Less fun.

But I thought I would go anyway.

Hubs and I decided to go at 10pm...because I refused to leave any earlier. When we got to Target, there were parking spaces. Hello! There are never parking spots. So we walk in and I am telling you everything was gone....except the line. All the fun crazy....done.

So we left empty handed after 5 minutes.

"Hey! Let's go to Kohl's," I suggest. They had a lot of great deals on things I wanted.

So Hubs and I pull into Kohl's about 10:45pm. We get out and start walking to the line...which wasn't bad, as far as Black Friday lines go.

"It isn't opened yet??? We have to stand in line? I'm cold. No way I am waiting in line," he complained.

"What! Who....why are you trying to ruin my fun!!!"

"Well, it's not like it's an iPhone. It's pillows," responded iHubs.

"Pillows are like iPhones on Black Friday! Don't you get it! It's not about what you are buying, it's about standing in line, in the freezing cold, in the middle of the night, for a really long time, watching people go crazy....for pillows! It's fun! That is fun!!!" I was being slightly dramatic.

"I'm going to wait in the car," he said. And fun decided to leave.

And I went home, turned on a movie and opened up my laptop and got my pillows. Very anti-climactic.

Hubs, on the other hand, went out again with his friend to look at guns and stand in a long line to buy bullets. Yes, I did say bullets.

How is that better than pillows?

I just simply forgot

I think I am losing my mind.

Oh, wait. You already knew that. It only says it in my blog title. Ha. Right.

But this time I am worried because I am not having any more children, and still....there it goes. Leaving. Walking out the door. Not even chocolate can bring it back. Sigh.

So what did I do this time to reaffirm that, yes, I am indeed losing my mind?

I locked myself out of my car.

No biggie, right? People do it all the time. I am not the first one to have done that.

Except that the keys were in the ignition. And the car was still running.

Right?

In the middle of the day, still not a big deal. But I am not that simple. I, of course, have to make things more complicated. Live life on the edge a little. 

You see, I work at night. Late into the night. I don't get off until midnight. And it wasn't until that time that I thought, "Uhhh, where the heck did I....ummm...I don't think I remember turning off my car."

Who remembers turning off their car? I mean, really? I think it's like breathing....except that you don't need it to live...we just do it without thinking. Well, this time, I didn't turn off my car without thinking. I didn't turn it off...at all.

Oh, and I locked the door.

So there I stood, at 12:05am.....scratching my head wondering what to do.

I couldn't really call my husband because...well, he's Deaf. And so unless he is sleeping with his phone under his pillow and the vibrate option is at full throttle there is no chance of waking him. Who am I kidding? There is zero chance of waking him even in the idealest of situtaions. When he sleeps, the world is dead to him.
`
Lucky for me, my co-workers were with me. Lucky for me my co-worker was willing to drive me home. Lucky for me, our spare key is lost and is no-where to be found. Lucky for me Hubs had to be to work by 7:40am. Lucky for me, it was parent/teacher conference day and all my kids were at home with me.

I am one lucky woman. 

It's alright. I'll forget it all happened next week.

Never heard of him

Something is amiss in my house. Haunted-ness. Paranormal.

Fortunately for me, I know his name.

It is Invisible Guy.

How do I know this? Not because he walks around, quietly singing his name as I nod off to sleep. It's not because he writes it on my bathroom mirror and it shows up after my shower. Nope.

Briggy told me.

Invisible Guy likes to hang-out around Briggy. The thing is, he only seems to appear when Briggy is alone, doing something that he shouldn't do, in a place he shouldn't be doing it.

For example, Invisible Guy likes to paint Briggy's toes with his sister's super special nail polish.

He also likes to write on the wall with not so washable markers.

He pees on the floor in the bathroom and dumps out Brody's special shell collection.

Invisible Guy has got to go.

Anyone know a good exerocist?

So I Married a Deaf Man: I'm not a dog!

So it was a rare occasion last week when Hubs and I went out to eat together. Just the two of us. No kids. It was nice.

We sit down, place our order, get our food at start to eat.

Of course, we were talking/signing the whole time....because that's what husband and wives do when they have been deprived of each others company for whatever reason....I have five of those "whatever reasons."

Well, we were chatting and our waiter, I kid you not, stood right at our table and stared at us. We are talking full on staring...not staring and then looking away for a few seconds and then look back. He was full on staring at us...and he was standing right at our table.

It was a little awkward and really annoying.

After about 15 minutes of him leaving to take care of his other tables and then returning to enjoy the view of our table, he finally approached and asked, "So, are you considered his interpreter?"

Huh? Bwahahaha. Wait. He was serious. Perhaps his reasoning went something like this, "Well, blind people have seeing-eye dogs that see for them...."

Not wanting to be compared to a dog, I responded, "No. I'm considered his wife."

Poor guy. In his defense, I was interpreting for Hubs. Secondly, we weren't making-out in the booth either, which would have made it obvious we were married...that or a really unethical interpreter.

And he did redeem himself. At least in my eyes.

"Wow. Well, you have a really good wife." Good boy.

But I am not a dog.

Laugh...and then vote!

Anyone else excited for tomorrow....to be over?

Yeah. I am so hopeful that my guy will win. Not Hubs. Nope, he isn't running. But I hope that Mitt ends up on top.

But until them I am left with stress in my belly and really weird dreams.

You are gonna vote, aren't ya? If you aren't, you should. It's one of the things that sets America apart from most other countries. The ability to have a government chosen by the voice of the people....it's a great thing. I'm telling you who to vote for...MITT ROMNEY... but rather just encouraging you to vote. Period.

So in order to release a little of the stress I have been feeling, I thought I would share with you some really funny jokes. I have a neice who is obsessed with Chuck Norris. Not weirdly obsessed, but slightly.

Here are some of my favorites. Enjoy and happy voting. Mitt Romney

• Chuck Norris never uses a stunt double, except during crying scenes.
• Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas to bed.
• Even Google can't find Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, and after five days of excruciating pain...the cobra died.
• When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuch Norris.
• Chuck Norris never won an Academy Award for acting in any of his action movies- because he's not acting.
• Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets hot.
• When you say, "No-one is perfect", Chuck Norris takes that as a personal insult.
• Chuck Norris can bounce a football.
• Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack...His heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.
• When Chuck Norris does push ups, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the earth down.

Buhda-budab-budab-budats all folks!