Exceptional!

I was a sweet child. No, really. I was. My parents told me that I was very quiet in my early years. Never much of a problem.

Except there was that one time when the neighbor boy came to play at our house and he and I locked ourselves in the bathroom and decided that throwing wads of toilet water soaked toilet paper onto the wall and ceiling was wicked fun. And it was. Until Mom barged in.

I always tried to make good choices and live the commandments.

Except that one time when we went to the grocery store and Mom said I couldn't have the Lifesavers. Boy did I show her. I secretly stuck them in my pocket and not-so quietly snuck them out before we had left the parking lot. Mom caught me and made me go in right then and confess to the store manager.

I was respectful of other people...never hurting them or intruding on their personal style.

Except that one time when I got out moms electric sewing scissors and decided it was time to play barber. I was good. A natural. So good that not only did the 'fore mentioned neighbor boy want me to cut his hair, my younger sister couldn't wait for her turn. As usual, Mom came in and ruined all the fun.

I always told the truth. Never made up stories to avoid punishment.

Except that one time when Mom was asking who had opened the cake mix and eaten half of it. I denied it, despite having the incriminating evidence behind my back in a big blue cup the whole time. Dang it!!

I always spoke respectfully to my elders.

Except that one time in Jr High School when my science teacher told me I was getting an "F" in her class and "You're so stupid," just flew out of my mouth. I knew I was in for it then.  In my defense, she didn't like me because I was always passing notes in her class....wait, what kind of defense it that?

I was the nicest of all my parent's children. In fact, I was a favorite amongst my siblings. They loved me.

Except that one time when I sarcastically asked my younger, adoring sister, "Who told you that blue and pink looked good together? They were so wrong."

I always went where I said I was going, never missed my curfew and always played it straight.

Except for that one time when my boyfriend and I left a party early to makeout discuss the purpose of life in a dark secluded area more quiet environment.

I just hope that my daughter turns out as good as I did.

Except not really. I hope she is better!

(As always, Mama Kat is my inspiration for this post. Check her out. Join the fun!)

Lions and Tigers and Bears....

You know how it is, sleeping in a tent, in the middle of the woods, on the rock hard ground. Very enjoyable. It takes turning over about 100 times before you finally find the right spot. Ahhhh, sweet sleep, come to me.

Alright. So that was me the other night. I finally fall asleep...you know, after I have convinced my two boys that they need to turn off the flashlights..or at least put them in their sleeping bags so that everyone else in the tent can sleep. Finally...I doze...off...to......sleep.

Until about 3am when my daughter decides to wake up and declare that she wants to change her clothes because the PJs she has on, "...just aren't right." Huh? We are camping. It is 3am. You have got to be kidding me. Not tonight!

"I am not going to sleep. I am going to sit here and not lay down," she says, after about 10 minutes of reasoning with her.

"Fine. I am going to sleep. Have fun being awake alone." I sleepily reply.

"No-one in this family loves me. You all hate me. You don't like me." First it starts as a whisper, then slowly increases in volume as she realizes I am not responding.

Finally she says, "Mom, I am hungry. I need something to eat."

"No. It is the middle of the night and you are not going to eat. All the food is put away so that the bears don't get into it."

Dead silence follows.

Sheepishly she says, "You didn't tell me there were bears."

Now I was on to something. "There are bears. But they will only come here if there is food left out. That is why we don't have food in the tent."

Then, for good measure, I add, "We also need to be quiet at night so they won't hear us and come looking in our camp for food."

"Okay, Mama. I'm going to go to sleep now," she whispers.

The fear factor...who knew?

Toilet Talk

We went camping this weekend with my family. It was a lot of fun. S'mores, bike rides, campfire stories, hot chocolate, and smelly hair. I love camping.. most of the time...

We got there and found just the right spot for our tent...or so we thought. One problem: it was right behind the bathroom. No biggie, right? Wrong. These were basically fancy outhouses.They had a toilet, but no flusher.

There was a sign on the door that said, "Close the lid when you are done. It will cut down on the smell." Believe me, my little boys don't put anything down at my house. And I can guarantee you that wasn't going to change in the mountains.

We still figured it would be okay because we couldn't smell anything when we were setting up our tent. But then some time after the sun went down, the wind changed directions and we were put to sleep with that funky outhouse smell. It was glorious!

My 5 year old son really needed to use the restroom but once he got a whiff he announced, "I can hold it until we go home." I told him that he could just go to the bathroom in the trees. I mean, it's what the animals do and it's not like he  doesn't do it all the time in our backyard is shy at all.

He responds, "Can I just stand here in the tent and pee out the door?" Because you know that those five steps into the woods is just so far.

But can you blame him? Those things are not only stinky, they are scary. I mean, it looks like a stinky bottomless pit. Only if you fell down into it, you would reach the bottom at some point and that is even scarier than a bottomless pit.

Which reminds me of a story about my crazy Great Aunt Norma. When she was younger, she and her siblings were playing hide and seek. For some reason, unknown to everyone else in this universe, she decided it would be a great idea to hide inside the outhouse...inside the toilet. She was holding herself up by putting her hands and feet on either side of the toilet walls.

As you can expect, they were a little moist and she slid down. Down in to the depths of ....despair. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little just thinking about it.

She was down there for a very long time because, hey, it was a great place to hide. No-one would even think of looking for her there. So she had to wait until someone needed to go. Can you imagine, walking in to use the restroom and hearing someone screaming, "Help. I'm down here. Don't go! Please don't go!!" It's a good thing it wasn't my husband. She would have been out of luck. 

The moral of this story?

Next time you go camping, make sure that you don't put your tent close to the outhouse. And don't hide in the toilet. You never know what who will come in after you.

You may not be so lucky.

I see London, I see France

There are people who have no problem sleeping without any PJ's. They prefer to sleep in their undies. I am not one of those people. I like to have my clothes on.

Why? I can just imagine there being a fire in my house or some other emergency and me having to choose between putting on my pants or saving my children. It is an easy choice. And that is why I like having my clothes on when I sleep.

However, I broke that rule last week when Hubs and I went to Telluride. Our room was so incredibly hot. You see, there was no air conditioning (we didn't know this) and so our room was like 82 degrees all night. We tried to keep things open, but we had our bikes in our room and weren't sure how safe things were in this little town.

Since there were no children around to save and I was about to melt, the only solution was to remove one layer. Off went PJ bottoms...and this is what happened:

I dreamt that I was in San Francisco with some friends. I was putting on my makeup in the restroom, wouldn't you know it, without my PJ bottoms on. Suddenly there was an earthquake. A big one.  Our hotel fell to the ground and I, of course, couldn't find my pants. I looked everywhere for them and my cell phone with no luck.

I needed to let my family know that I was okay, so I went into several businesses, in my undies, trying to get hold of them. I saw a guy who I knew from high school who was kind enough to not say a word about me being in my underpants to let me use his phone. But the buttons on his phone were all wonky and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't push the number 5. Then he had to leave...with his phone.

So I walked the streets, bottomless, looking for someone who would help me.

Then I woke up.

You see, this is why I sleep with my clothes on. I have issues. No pants, totally out of my comfort zone.

Plus, I like a good night sleep, thankyouverymuch.


(Thanks, MamaKat for this uncomfortable moment.)

Good boys gone bad

This is what happens when little boys get bored.

(Wordless Wednesday: There are no words.)

So I Married a Deaf Man: Rearview Communication

I am the GPS in our car.

Granted, you cannot plug me into your lighter, I don't sit on the dash, and you can't program me. But I can get you from on place to the next without too much trouble.

The difficulty arises when your GPS-Wife moves to the backseat and you are her deaf husband...Problem.

Whether it is a screaming baby, a bored toddler, or a tween who enjoys teasing his younger sister, I have climbed to the back and planted myself many times. Because of this, Hubs and I have gotten really good at communicating via the rearview mirror.

We have had plenty of years to get used to this type of conversing. If you tilt the mirror to just the right angle, it's actually quite easy. We've done this when we have doubled with other deaf couples and want to chat on the drive. But mostly we use it when I am taking care of the hoodlums on long trips.

You are probably thinking, "You are insane!! That is too dangerous!" Not really...or so I thought.

On our recent California adventure we spent one night in Bakersfield. I was GPS-ing in the front until my baby decided that 12 hours was simply too much to ask of him and he wasn't having one more minute of it. Back I went.

Only I hadn't communicated which exit Hubs needed to take to get to the hotel. He asked me and I was telling him via rearview communication when he looks up and all traffic has stopped in front of him.

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!!!!

My stomach hit what was left of my brain. My kids all got quiet and my baby started to laugh. Luckily, my husband's reflexes were quick enough to avoid any type of collision.

"At least we know the seatbelts work, huh Mom," said my four year old. You can say that again. That was close. Too close.

And so, GPS-Wife will be keeping her little self in the front seat from now on.

At least in rush hour traffic.

No Brainer FAIL...or not.

"Are you ready for this?" Hubs asked.

We had stayed up late the night before planning which biking trails we were going to try out. They had to be easy enough for someone who hasn't been on a bike for a very long time, and still be fun for someone like Hubs who goes about 3-4 times a month.

Here we are at the beginning of our adventure.  

Sexy, aren't we! The straps for our water backpack that I am wearing are in a super attractive place, wouldn't you agree?

We try the trail by the river. Super easy. My kids would have loved it. That one tested, we decided to take this other trail that goes to the waterfall. Umm...it was all up hill. Bry would lead and the poor guy would get about 50 yards and then would have to stop and wait for me. We got like maybe 1/4 the way up and I was sweaty, out of breath and I am seeing floating white dots. We decided that passing out in the first 30 minutes of our adventure wouldn't be very adventurous.

Our next trail took us up the mountain in the Gondola (aka Box of Death.)  It lead us to our next trail.

I thought this one, the "No Brainer",  would be awesome, seeing as I had left most of my mind at my sister's house. With a name like that, it can't be that bad, right?

Umm...check it out. The blue is the "No Brainer." I am not quite sure if I was delusional the night before or if I just didn't realize that the trail isn't flat. It is downhill

Hubs had warned me that when I was going down hill that I needed to make sure that my rear-end stayed at the back of the seat. The top few 100 yards were fine. Then I came upon those turns...switchbacks...suicide curves from you know where.

I would watch Hubs ride them like they were nothing. But everytime I would get to them, I flew off had to get off and walk the turns. It was frustrating. They were sharp, steep, and my bike, which I had borrowed from my sister, was a little heavy...and let's face it, I am also a little heavy. No, I didn't ever biff it, thank heavens, but I came close more than I want to admit.  

But it was scary. 

My sweet husband, though, was so patient and very kind. He could have taken that trail in 10 minutes. I kept telling him to go ahead and he could wait for me at the bottom. "No. I want to spend time with you." Isn't that so sweet. He really does love me.

Finally we made it to Mountain Villiage which is about half way down the mountain. My hands were shaking, my bottom was sore and I think I had a twitch on the left side of my face.

We decided it was time to take a much easier trail. And so we did. We found a really fun trail that took us the rest of the way down the mountain. We had to ride about 4 miles back into town, which was pretty rough after riding for 5 hours already. But we survived.

Hubs was such a boy at the end. There were puddles and puddles of mud all over the trail. Yup, he went through the middle of all of them. Lucky for me I am out of shape. Why is that? Because if I was right behind him I would have looked like a mud monster.

(These pictures don't show the mud...But his behind looked like he had had a bit of an accident.)

Gosh, I love this man. It was so much fun, despite the pain that ensued into the wee hours of the night. He is so much fun and so patient. Can't wait to spend everyday for the rest of my life with him... and then some more.

Loving him is a No Brainer! And that is one trail I can handle!!