What's in your shower?

There are some things that you expect to see in your shower when you wake up in at the crack of dawn. Shampoo, yes. Conditioner, yes. Face and body soap, yes. Perhaps a washcloth. And depending how long it has been, a little soap residue. But you can bet I was not expecting to see what I saw this morning. I opened the curtain....

...and there he stood. Pointing his little gun right at me. My arms immediately flew up. "Is that thing loaded?" I asked myself. Surely he won't hurt me.

But then I looked at the three dead security guards he was standing on and it didn't look good.  He was one unhappy hairball.

I peeked at the other end of my shower....

I saw this carnage. 

So much innocence lost... for what? 

Who was he after? Was it me he was seeking?

He had taken out Buzz. Poor Buzz. He was so ready for his comeback, with the new movie debute this past weekend. So unfair. He was so young.

He took out 3 Jedi's. Okay, so two are Jedi's and the other was just a good guy (Captain Lando, or so I am told.)

As if killing Jedi knights, the ulimate good, isn't enough, he took out a Manny, the wooly mammoth! Doesn't he know they are extinct!! Who kills an already extinct animal!? That's just cruel and heartless!!  

And as if that wasn't enough, he took out a plane, a rescue helicopter and a T-Rex. This guy really had it in for someone.

Long story short, I was able to talk him through it...(in Shyriiwook, which is Wookie language).

Apparently he was feeling trapped. He wanted out...he wanted to be free.

So I set him free.

Free to roam amoung Potato Head parts and legos. Probably a Little Pet shop animal or two as well.

So, my firends, be very cautious when you enter your shower in the morning. 

You may just be suprised.

What's in your shower? 

Three strikes... YOU. ARE. OUT!

My kids and I headed over to the local high school track to run a mile or two. I was running, walking, mostly walking. Kids were riding bikes, running, etc. Pretty soon they come asking for water. Oh, man! I totally forgot to bring water. What kind of mom makes their kids go run a mile around a track in the middle of summer and doesn't bring water??? I guess the me kind. Strike one.

There is a little pool in our community that is quite fun to play in. Camden finally got his cast off, so on Thursday we headed for the water. We get there, hop into the pool and were in there for about an hour and a half when I realize, I didn't put sunscreen on the kids. Oh man! Luckily Camden had on a swimming shirt. But everyone else's white skin was fully exposed to the midday summer sun. It was lovely. Strike two!

I noticed that Brody had been biting his cheeks for a couple of days. So I asked him if his teeth were bothering him. He said no. Then I proceeded to explain to him that if they did hurt and he didn't tell me and I did nothing about it, then it would only hurt worse everyday until it hurt so bad he would want to die. Okay, so not in those exact words...but still, it was enough that he changed his mind and said yes. Long story short, he had 2 pretty bad cavities and one small one. He was so sad and I was so humiliated and sad. Strike three.

Mommy guilt enters the scene. I could handle the water. I know there are others who have done this. The sunscreen, really bad on my part, but a minor memory lapse that only takes once to never forget again...at least not this season. And out of everyone I got burned to most so I figure I have my pay back.

But the cavity! Cavities!! I hate dentists to begin with because I have super weak teeth. But to have my 5 YEAR OLD have 3 cavities.. I about sent myself to the guillotine. We brush. We brush every day. Flossing, not so much. Ugh!! These are his teeth we are talking about. I just feel so horrible.

Why? Why do we have to have mommy guilt? Why do we have that inner voice, constantly telling us that we are not good enough. And then when we do something to prove that theory right, in comes guilt, "See, I told you so. You let your children burn in the sun! Then you made them dehydrated and now you are ruining their teeth which in turn will RUIN THEIR LIVES. And not just for now. Forever!!

I don't think that men feel this guilt. Or at least not to the degree that we moms do. Whatever guilt they feel, they get over it quicker than we do. They make a mistake, shrug their shoulders, learn from it and move on. No looking back, no guilt, just "Onward!"

The only cure I see is God. He promises to open the windows of Heaven if we will simply seek Him daily. Prayer, scriptures, and then listen. I am pretty sure that He isn't necessarily going to tell us to remember the water, or the sunscreen or the flossing. Not that He couldn't, because He could.

More importantly, though, He sends those whisperings...those affirmations that I am a child of God. That He knows who I am. He knows that I am good enough. He knows that I can do it. And He knows that with His help, my kids will turn out okay.

Get thee hence, Mommy guilt!

I know who I am.

Good Night Sleep?

This is the bed that she bought.

This is the mommy, tired and exhausted,

that lay in the bed that she bought.

This is her oldest, kind and tender,

 who cuddled the mommy, tired and exhausted,

 that lay in the bed that she bought.

This is her daughter, sweet and sassy,

that pinched her oldest, kind and tender,

 who cuddled the mommy, tired and exhausted

that lay in the bed that she bought.

This is her middle, smiley and sneaky,
who jumped on her daughter, sweet and sassy,
 that pinched her oldest, kind and tender
who cuddled the mommy, tired and exhausted
that lay in the bed that she bought.

This is the runt, loving and fragile,
that licked the middle, smiley and sneaky,
who jumped on her daughter, sweet and sassy,
that pinched her oldest, kind and tender
who cuddled the mommy, tired and exhausted
that lay in the bed that she bought.

Here is her baby, chubby and cheeks,
he slobbered the runt, loving and fragile,
that licked the middle smiley and sneaky,
 who jumped on her daughter, sweet and sassy,
that pinched her oldest, kind and tender
who cuddled the mommy tired and exhausted
that lay in the bed that she bought.

This is the Daddy.

He looked at the bed that he bought.

He saw all his children,
chubby and cheeks,
loving and fragile,
 smiley and sneaky,
 sweet and sassy,
kind and tender
who cuddled their mommy tired and exhausted
all lying in the bed that he bought.

Here is where Daddy slept.

Poor Mommy.

**This post was inspired by the wonderful book "Pizza Pat."

Ready to Laugh

I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that my husband, with all his Mafia War-ing has messed up my computer....grrrrr. Darn Mafia! They can be so annoying sometimes.

The good news is that I am guest posting (I think that is what it is called) over at Laugh Out Loud. It's an oldie post, but a goodie. Go check me out. 

I really like this blog because it has all the funny blogs that you love in one spot. Try and you will laugh out loud!!
Have a great weekend!!

So I Married A Deaf Man: Double Take

We all try to teach our kids that it isn't polite to stare at people. I learned it when I was a kid. I hope that I have taught it to my children. We went in yesterday to get Camden's cast off and there was a baby with a club foot. I had to remind myself and my children that it isn't polite to stare.

I think that it is interesting that the urge to stare never leaves us. We may try to look in an inconspicuous manner, but the urge to do it is there. I can promise, you are not the only one who wants to stare at something new or different. I can promise you this because I can't tell you how many times we have been on the receiving end of the stare.

Because my husband is deaf, we are used to the staring. (He is also really cute, but I am pretty sure it is the signing that they are staring at.) If we are going into public, you can guarantee that we are going to be looked at. (more reason to look nice when I go out with Hubs.) We go to the store and kids will look at us until we are out of  sight. We go to the park, children will stare while backing up to their mothers. We are kind of scary, you know. We are either fascinating or we are terrifying.

We understand they are children and they don't know any better.

Then there are the teenagers who do know better but don't have the brain capacity to refrain from not only staring, but poking fun. I remember one time when we were just married, a car of teenagers pulled up next to us as Hubs and I are having a conversation. They all start waving their hands and making silly faces. I wanted to used a universal sign to those idiots, but I DO have the brain capacity to refrain from impulse reactions.

Shockingly, though, I am most surprised at the amount of adults we get who stare and talk about us when we are out in public. Oh, they try to be discrete about it, but there is a whole lot of staring going on. I get the double take. No biggie...but to keep coming back. Really?

Here we are, Hubs and I, on our  yearly date, sitting at our table waiting to be served. We start to have a private conversation when we notice that the couple at the table next to us is staring at us. Not just looking, noticing and carrying on. We are talking full on staring. And not only that, they are talking about us. Granted, we know they probably don't understand a word that we are saying, and they didn't know that I could hear them but you try having a normal conversation when 2 people keep staring at you. It is annoying at best.

I would like to say that I stood up, walked over to them and said, "You know. I can hear you talking about us, but even if I couldn't we can SEE you staring at us. My husband is DEAF not blind. Didn't your mom's teach you it wasn't polite to stare?" But I didn't.

We usually just stare back and that makes them uncomfortable enough to stop staring. "Oh, no. We have been caught. Look away. Look away!" I have also thought about doing the universal military sign of "I'm watching you" with my 2 fingers.

I know I sound bothered. I am, but not really. It is just something that we have gotten used to it. Hubs has dealt with it his whole life. Who am I to complain about 11 years of it. We have had to explain to our children that people are going to stare, kids are going to point and some children may even cry.

"It's because you are different. Special different. People think that sign language is really cool and so to see little kids signing to an adult, they are totally impressed. Just ignore the idiots who poke fun and smile back at the ones who keep watching. They think you are special."

We are an amazing group and so why should I care if people stare? Probably because I have been taught it was rude to stare at people. And probably because I have tried to teach that to my children.

Look once and you are human. Look twice and you are a slow human. Keep on looking and you better watch out. Not all Deaf people are as nice as we are.

They may getcha!


(Also posted Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop)

Where'd it go?

Gum: a child's anytime treat.

My kids love gum. It doesn't matter what flavor: "Hot blue" Winter Fresh, "Spicy" red cinnamon, or "Green kind". Pink is the favorite by far. But if you can chew it, they want it. And believe me, they can find it too. They can smell it a mile away, whether it is in my mouth or hidden in the depths of my bag. If there is gum, they will find it. Oh, yes, they will.


I don't get why they love it so much. For some reason, until they learn to blow a bubble, the gum doesn't stay in their mouth longer than 5 minutes. That isn't even long enough for the gum to take form. It still has it's flavor, people!

Then there is the issue of disposing of said gum. I prefer the garbage myself. But my children have tried a variety of ways to discard. Leaving it on their dinner plate, their food trash, the bottom of their own shoe, their back pocket.  I would be interested to know how much gum goes through my four year old's digestive system every week.... actually,no, I wouldn't.

So, today I took my two oldest sons grocery shopping with me. On our way to the store, my 5 year old asked for a piece of gum (because he could smell it clear in the back seat...rats!)  So I gave him one and on we went.

We had a great time at the store. You know, the usual: taking as many of the produce bags as you can get and making balloons out of them. Then hitting your older brother with it...and a full on UFC fight breaks out.  It is always fun to bring my boys shopping.

About 40 minutes later, we left the store with me kicking and screaming. We are heading home when my 5 year old Brody asks, "Mom, can I have a piece of gum?"

"What did you do with your other piece? Did you swallow it?" I asked.

"Ummm...no. I didn't swallow it." he replied.

"Well, did you put it on the ground? In a trash can?" I asked hopefully.

"Nope. I didn't. I promise, I didn't."

Exasperated I asked him, "Well, where did you put it?"

"Uhhh...I put it in my pocket. Then I did a somersault and then a cartwheel and it fell out."

(Laughing to myself and a little out loud) "You did a somersault and a cartwheel in the store? I missed that" I think I would have remembered that.

"Yup. I did. And that is when my gum fell out of my pocket."

Gum: It simply brings out the best in us.

For my son, it brings out the acrobat.

Roll Film!

Today is free movie day! What is this, you ask? Well, let me explain. It is a program that the local theatre does. They take movies that you already own on DVD and have watched at least 100 times, and play them in the theatre for free.

Our job is to get all the kids ready, loaded, transported and in line about an hour before the movie starts to be sure to get a ticket (for the movie you already own). Then we have to figure out what to do with my already wired kids while we stand in line. Once we have the tickets we now have 30 minutes to kill while we wait in line to get a seat (to watch the movie that you have at home).

We then feel obligated to buy something from the candy counter because the movie is free. (Wait.. guilt not necesary...I OWN the movie.) Still, someone has to push the play button, clean the bathrooms and take the tickets. And so I load my kids up with popcorn that will give them gas and soda that make those bubbles bigger. This way we can enjoy the experience all day and into the night. (You know I have boys, right? They enjoy it WAY into the night...as long as they can. Sheesh!)

Finally, we are in the theatre, seated, with kids eating their popcorn, then spilling their popcorn, then crying about spilling their popcorn and we haven't even made it through the previews. Once the movie does start, we recite every line with the characters (because we own the movie) and have a grand old time!

Why? Why do we do this? Because, like I said in a previous post, there is NOTHING like watching a movie in the theatre. It doesn't matter what the movie is, it is always funner to watch it in a theatre. PLUS we are all going crazy sitting in the house. It is somewhere to go, it is relatively cheap, and my kids will think I am super cool mom!

And who doesn't want to be supercool?

Ice Age, here we come!!!