Well, what do ya know

People would be surprised to learn that…

...I do actually wash the sliding glass door in my kitchen once a month. And on that one day, the house is that much brighter. Too bad it doesn't last long.

...Boys, no matter how hard you try, are born saying the words, "Bang! Bang! Bang!" Try as you will, but their fingers will naturally take the shape of a gun. In fact it isn't limited to their fingers. Any object, mostly vacuum attachments in my house, can and will become a weapon of some sort.

...I make my children share towels. If you are the first to bath, sweet! You get the dry towel. If you are the tortoise, then you  not only get the cold shower, you also get the thrice used towel. You may as well shake yourself off like a dog, because there is not one dry spot on that towel.

...I would wear jeans every day if I could. You know, the loose baggy kind. Because frumpy is the new sexy.

...Whole wheat cinnamon rolls...not so yummy. Ask my children...and my hubby...and my brother...and my dog. I ran out of normal white flour, so I ground up some wheat for flour and substituted it instead. Not good.

...Kasey, from the Bachelorette is TOTALLY deaf. I have been working with Deafies for 15 years and I can tell by his voice. Just in case you were all wondering. That being said, I am so glad he is gone...tattoo and all.

...Our dog Rufus, who is a male dog, pees like a girl dog. He also likes my son...quite a bit.

And finally, you all would be surprised to learn that...

...I have two bladders. It is true. With each child, the ultrasound technician lets out a curious, "Huh. Interesting." To which I answer, "Yes. That extra sack there...bladder." This would explain why I can take an eight hour trip, drink a 44oz drink and not have to go to the bathroom until we reach our destination. It would also explain my impatience with my husband, who I swear has a teaspoon sized bladder, has to pull over 4 or 5 times.

Were you surprised?? Come on now. Surprise me...

(Thanks, Mama Kat, for the inspiration for this post.)

So I Married a Deaf Man: Let us pray

When I was young...don't you hate stories that start that way...my parents taught me how to pray. You knelt down, folded your arms, bowed your head, closed your eyes and humbly said a prayer. We prayed often in our house: in the morning when we woke, at night before we went to bed,  at every meal and then again if there was a special need. And this doesn't include our own personal prayers. I love it!

Hubs and I also have taught our children to pray. When they kneel at night in their rooms, they take the same position: kneeling down, arms folded, head bowed and eyes closed.

Family prayer, however, is somewhat complicated. You see, we sign our prayers in our house. So if you are closing your eyes, you will not be able to hear the prayer. Eyes must be open. And, as you can expect, once the eyes are open, all other rules of prayer go out the window.

Though they are supposed to be watching the person who is praying, most the time they are watching the one who is doing something worthy of a kick in the pants a laugh or two or a million. Once that starts there is no turning back. Even if they are trying to pay attention to the pray-er, all it takes is one off movement and we've lost them.
What is a parent to do? Yell at one child while the other is trying so hard to pray? We have tried the whole rewarding of good behavior. That works for maybe two nights. We have tried the punishment for disrupting prayer and still it happens. We have made those who are irreverent have to stay after prayer and sit at "prayer attention" just to prove to us that they know how to act in a prayer. Believe me, they know how. I haven't tried duct tape, but I am very tempted. (Isn't that Christlike?)

Here's the thing...they are kids. And when they see something funny, they are going to giggle, which brings on more silliness which  induces more laughter...and so the cycle goes.

If they could just.close. their. eyes...

Flock or Devil

Today has been a crazy busy day. I decided we were going to take 30 minutes and clean the back yard. Well, after 3 hours, it looks really nice. And now, here it is 10pm and I still haven't posted. Isn't that how life goes sometimes.... So without further ado...

It's time again for the Would You Rather game. I was going through the cards last night and I was rolling on the floor because the questions were so funny.

Here is your question:

Would you rather be followed everywhere you went by a flock of birds OR a cloud of dust?

Hmmm... A flock of birds...

Are these birds the kind that fly around cleaning my house with me if I sing the "Happy Working Song" from Enchanted? Or are they more like the birds from Evan Almighty...you know the pooping, landing on people's heads, scaring everyone birds?

Can you imagine? You would have people coming up to you all the time saying, "Hey, did you know that there is a flock of birds following you everywhere you go?" No, really? What gave that away? The poop all over my hair and clothes or was the constant chirping?

Hmmm...a cloud of dust...

I kinda feel like that already. I do have 4 boys and a rough and tough girl. Not a day goes by that I am not up to my eyeballs in dirt. The whole dirt thing, I get that. However, it would actually be on me. Very different.

I wear contacts and so this actually sounds really unpleasant at first glance. I also like to laugh a lot and  like chewing gum. Dirt flying constantly around me is just not compatible to any of these things. Then, imagine winter time and runny noses, sleep eyes..etc. Can you imagine a trip to the dentist? Not pretty. Not at all.

But Pigpen still had friends, right? People were able to look past the dirt because, for the most part, he was the mess. But a flock of birds...we are not talking about one bird going to the bathroom from above. We are talking a whole flock of birds. We are all targets at that point. Not really something that attracts friends. 

And so, I am going to go with a cloud of dust. A little dirt, I can handle. A lot of dirt, I am still okay. Constantly being pooped on by things that are NOT my children...problematic.


What about you? Which would you rather??

How much damage you got??

I don't know why I even try sometimes. With four boys and one husband, the fight of the video games is a losing battle. When it was just the computer, it wasn't such a big deal. Don't get me wrong...it is still a deal, just not a big deal.

Now we have a big deal. That is because we got a Wii a couple years ago and since then our life has never been the same. My boys, if I let them, could play all day long and not get tired of it. My daughter, not so much. What is it about boys and technology? I have one son who wakes up thinking about it...asks all day for it...goes to bed dreaming about.

They are only allowed to play it one day a week. At least that is the goal. Sometimes it is twice, but most the time we stick to the one day. They are allowed 30 min -1 hour depending  on how many chain links they have earned during the week. But I tell you, 30 minutes in gaming time to my boys is like 5 minutes. It is crazy!

The games are always on their mind. You can tell this by the lnaguage or gaming lingo that they use. For example, yesterday, we went swimming at the aquatic center. It was time to get out of the house and what better place than the indoor swimming pool.

I was playing with my two older boys. Brody, 5 years old, was splashing me like a mad fool. I couldn't even look up. I wasn't wearing goggles and I had my contacts in so it was me losing, him winning. Then he started to splash Kobe, who did have goggles.

Kobe says "No damage.  Zero damage. ZEEEE ROOO Damage"

I thought that was funny. Who talks like that???

Apparently my 16 month old knows how to do damage. I guess he's had enough of this gaming stuff.  Last night my husband walked into the downstairs bathroom and found a Wii controler in the toilet.

Now that is some major damage! (to the ring of $40!)

Passport Please

I am reading the book, "Eat, Pray, Love". It is a pretty good book, minus the swearing...there is a lot more in there than I care to read. But it is about this gal who travels the world...well, at least 3 places, in order to be fulfilled and to find herself.

(I don't quite understand that. I don't understanding leaving home to find oneself. But that isn't what I want to talk about here.)

This woman had always wanted to go to Italy. So much so that she decided to move there simply to learn the language... to experience it all. When people ask me, "If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?" My first answer is, "To bed." Not really. But I have to think about it. Anywhere? I really don't know how to answer that question.

Growing up we didn't have a lot of money. So when we would travel anywhere it was usually to visit family. The only vacationing that we ever did was camping. We didn't travel to Disneyland, or to some great location just because it was a great location. We would travel to visit family and if there was something along the way we would stop and see it: the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone National Park, Lagoon. So travel has a different meaning to me, I guess.

I have a friend who has had the opportunity to take his family and live in England for several years. While there he and his wife have been to Paris, Rome, Venice, Sweden, Ireland, London, and so forth. What a fun experience for them. I just can't even imagine.

But for me, I am a home body. Traveling the world really isn't appealing to me. Not because I am not interested in other cultures, because I am. Not because I hate to fly, because I don't mind it. Is it because I am afraid of new things?.No, I don't think that is the reason. Though, maybe it is a little, but no more than most people.

Maybe I am a little intimidated by the unknown. I don't know the language and because Hubs is deaf I would be the speaker and hearer and  be totally responsible for our welfare. But I have five children! I am used to being responsible.

Am  I worried that I won't like the food? I don't think that is possible. I like most foods. As long as it isn't raw or slimy, I am good.

I am not completely opposed to going, and if the opportunity presented itself and there was reason to go, then I would go. And I am sure that I would enjoy it and it would be a chance of a lifetime.

But for now, I would settle for seeing all the amazing things that this country of mine has to offer. NYC, Yosemite, Nashville, the Great Lakes, the Rocky Mountains, etc.  So much I haven't seen here. Let's start there...then maybe...just maybe I could venture into another country to appreciate what there is to appreciate there!

What about you? Do you like to travel? Do you think I am crazy? Where would you go?

Sticky Fat

Mama Kat suggests that we write a letter to the one thing that is keeping me from losing weight.

So the first person I though about writing to was my husband. I mean, I didn't have a weight problem until I started having babies. And I didn't start having babies until I married him. So marrying him made me gain weight.  But I don't want to be UN-married to him. So...here's the letter I wrote to him:

Dear Hubs,
Stop getting me pregnant. I really need to get skinny again. Really!
Thanks!
Wifey

After writing this letter, I realized that he has had THE operation. So, even though he is partly to blame for the gain, he is no longer the reason for my weight loss struggle.

What about...oh, I know. It must be my children. They are the ones who are always asking me to make cookies, and ice cream and such sweet goodness. How can I resist their little faces? So the letter to them went something like this:

Dear Five Adorable Children,

We will no longer be having treats. From now on we will be having whole wheat, homemade, fat free, sugar free wafers that will make you regular and make me skinny. I know you will look back at your childhood and remember hating me everyday of your lives. That's what moms are for.

Love,
Mommy

Then I realized that my children weren't forcing the cookies down my throat and that it wouldn't be good to totally ruin their childhood.

The next thought was, it must be my job.

Dear Job,
Stop making me fat! You take me away from all that is good and bring me to a place that has a break room full of chocolate, and cookies, and cheese and such. Then all I do is go and sit. So, stop making me fat!
Thanks,
Interpreter Stef

But I can't quit my job...well, I guess I could. But living in a our van down by the river is not very appealing to me. No shower, no toiley...not a good idea.

The list goes on and on of people and things I could blame: Father Time, sticky fat, my alarm clock, procrastination, my scale, Sonic, my neighbor's dog, my iPhone, Hershey's, etc.

But the real letter that needed to be written is this:

Dear Chubby Self
Do you like being overweight? Do you like not fitting into your skinny jeans that are only skinny to you? No? Well, then make a choice. Do something about it. Stop blaming everyone else and get off your butt and do something about it! You have everything you need to lose weight right here. Make it happen.
Sternly,
Skinny Self

So I married a Deaf Man: Going to the Chapel

Church...a place of worship... a place of peace...a place of relative quietness. Oh, sure, every meeting/service has it's moments of outbursts, but overall quiet reverence is the rule.

When we lived in Utah and then Arizona, we attended the Deaf Branch. This means that the majority of those in attendance are either deaf, a spouse or family member of a deaf person, or, on rare occasion, a hearing person who knows ASL and wants to attend.

When I tell people that we went to a Deaf church, their comment is almost always the same:

"Oh, I bet it was so quiet and peaceful. That must be nice."

My response:

(Holding my sides,) "Hold on one second. Bwahahahahahaha!!.. Oh...Oh..boy..."(wiping tears from my eyes).

You see, in case your forgot, Deaf people can't hear.

This means, when they are choosing toys to keep their children quiet in church, they usually load up the one that has music...excuse me, I mean loud annoying music playing. Not just one..most of the time it is several. So it wasn't uncommon, in the middle of the prayer, to hear, "La la lala, la la lala, Elmo's World."

This also means that they can't hear their children fighting over the noisy toy. Or their cute child singing the song in their head out loud....LOUD. They also can't hear their children talking to their neighbor who is across the room about their many Saturday adventures. (I will have to do a post about children of deaf adults or CODAs. Understanding that would help you understand just how much noise they can make. Tazzmanian devil comes to mind.)

There is also a lot of visual noise. See, when hearing people talk to each other across the room, it makes a lot of noise and thus would be highly distracting and disruptive to ALL in attendance. ASL, however, is not loud. In fact, there isn't much noticable noise that you can hear.  So you can speak to someone across the room and no-one will hear you...with their ears that is.

But visually, there is a lot going on. There is nothing like looking away from the boring speaker and "hearing" about what Joanie did for the weekend and how she can't believe that Tanya would say such a horrible thing about her. It is distracting because in order to "hear" the speaker you have to see them...which means you have to look past the multiple conversations that are going on within your view.

So my answer is a big fat "No! Deaf services are not quiet. "

Not even close.