My mom spanked the neighbors.
Not randomly. It's not like she would walk outside, grab the first child she saw and turn them over her knee. Well, at least I never saw her do it.
But she did spank a few deserving neighbors.
The first time was when Chuck and I decided to lock ourselves in the bathroom and throw wet pieces of toilet paper onto the ceiling. They stuck. How cool was that?! Only, if you are the mom who has to clean it, it is far from cool.
Once mom found out she spanked Chuck. Oh, I am sure that she spanked me too, but I don't remember that part. I just remember being scared for him.
Then there was the time that Chuck, yes the same one, and I decided to play barber and cut my sister's hair. Oh, and I cut Chuck's hair. Mom walked in just as I was getting into the hot seat. Chuck was the barber. Yup. Spank.
Then there was Sarah. We had some pretty awesome pink jungle wallpaper in our room. Well, Sara and my sister decided it was time to remove the stuff. So remove it they did. At least patches of it. When mom found out...you guessed it. Spank-a-rama.
Then there was the time when that high school kid thought it would be funny to pinch her rump while she was helping another student. Her first reaction was, SMACK! right across the face.
Yeah, yeah. I know. That totally wouldn't fly now-a-days. Times are different. I would never lay a finger on another persons child. Not because they didn't deserve it....but because I love my children and family and home and have zero desire to have them shipped off to strangers and me living in a cell. With bars. With a Sugar Daddy.
I don't spank my neighbors.
You should know that my mom wasn't a beater. She didn't spank with anything but her hand. And to be honest I don't remember it ever hurting. In fact, I really don't remember the spanks.
Except the time she spanked me when I was in middle school when I made my sister cry because she had something of mine. I was 14 years old, bending over my mom's knee so that she could spank me. Humiliation. That's what I remember.
So if you live by my mom, run....far, far away.
(ps. how do you feel about the no color post? I'm trying to decide if the color is worth the time....any opinions?)
Monday, September 3, 2012
Friday, August 31, 2012
What would you buy?
Socks.
That's what they should sell.
If they sold socks I would buy a plutherah!
But no. That's not what we get.
That's right, people. It's fundraiser time. I hate this time of year. You think they would give us parents a break. I mean, some of us spend around $750 just to get our kids back to school. Public school. I haven't even had a month to recover from that yet.
Yes, I know. I know. I chose to have 5 kids. That I did. And I wouldnt' change it for the world. And education is important. Of the utmost importance. I want to be supportive of my children and the things that they are doing in school. I do.
But bedsheets? Really? They are selling bedsheets.
The cheapest ones are $26 each. How am I, a mother of 4 school age children +1, supposed to spend $100 on bedsheets that I don't really need or want? And I can't just buy one set from one of my children. Are you kidding me!? Then everyone would know which was my favorite child. And we can't have that.
No, I think they need to sell something else. Something useful. Like toilet paper. I would totally buy toilet paper. I know that we would use it. Or what about toothbrushes. You can never have too many of those things. Light bulbs. Shampoo. iPads.... no wait.
I vote for socks. Everyone needs them, they can be fun, boring, gender specific, gender generic, colors or white, long or short, all ages, all sizes, rated E for everyone.
Socks anyone?
That's what they should sell.
If they sold socks I would buy a plutherah!
But no. That's not what we get.
That's right, people. It's fundraiser time. I hate this time of year. You think they would give us parents a break. I mean, some of us spend around $750 just to get our kids back to school. Public school. I haven't even had a month to recover from that yet.
Yes, I know. I know. I chose to have 5 kids. That I did. And I wouldnt' change it for the world. And education is important. Of the utmost importance. I want to be supportive of my children and the things that they are doing in school. I do.
But bedsheets? Really? They are selling bedsheets.
The cheapest ones are $26 each. How am I, a mother of 4 school age children +1, supposed to spend $100 on bedsheets that I don't really need or want? And I can't just buy one set from one of my children. Are you kidding me!? Then everyone would know which was my favorite child. And we can't have that.
No, I think they need to sell something else. Something useful. Like toilet paper. I would totally buy toilet paper. I know that we would use it. Or what about toothbrushes. You can never have too many of those things. Light bulbs. Shampoo. iPads.... no wait.
I vote for socks. Everyone needs them, they can be fun, boring, gender specific, gender generic, colors or white, long or short, all ages, all sizes, rated E for everyone.
Socks anyone?
Monday, August 27, 2012
How often...
...do you clean out your car?
You mean people do that?
What? Not everyone can pull out a meal from their car at any given time?
I rather like my large collection of random rocks and sticks laying on its floor.
Crayons anyone?
My glove compartment puts Netflix to shame.
I can't tell you how many half empty....I mean half full water bottles I have rolling around in there.
There may or may not be an extra pair of shoes for at least two of my children at any given time.
Oddly enough, I even saw a roll of toilet paper in there. Don't ask.
So if you ask me how often I clean out my car, I would respond,
...not nearly enough.
You mean people do that?
What? Not everyone can pull out a meal from their car at any given time?
I rather like my large collection of random rocks and sticks laying on its floor.
Crayons anyone?
My glove compartment puts Netflix to shame.
I can't tell you how many half empty....I mean half full water bottles I have rolling around in there.
There may or may not be an extra pair of shoes for at least two of my children at any given time.
Oddly enough, I even saw a roll of toilet paper in there. Don't ask.
So if you ask me how often I clean out my car, I would respond,
...not nearly enough.
Friday, August 24, 2012
When I grow up....
I want to be a mom.
Yes, yes. I know. Having five children kinda puts me into that category. But I want to be more mom. What does that even mean, right?
I googled Mom, because we all know that Google knows everything....and if it doesn't, then it can take us to a place that does. Here. is what I found.
Mother:
1. A female person whose egg unites with a sperm, resulting in the conception of a child. Ummm...that must have happened...five times. No problem with conception. At. All.
2. A female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child
Oh, I know that happened five times. Felt that for sure.
3. A woman who raises a child.
Sounds simple, right? Phwwtttt! That "raising" spans 27+ years of my life. That seems to be the hardest part about being a mother, the raising, wouldn't you agree?
4. A creative source.
Is this an option? We have to be creative in every sense. Creative in distraction of our young children. Creative in the meals. Creative in the budgeting. Creative in the school projects department. Discipline. Instructing. Chore charting. Etc.
5. A woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility
This is the un-fun part of being a mom. Sometimes it's not all fun and games. I have had to work my whole momy-ed life. It's a necessary responsibility. One I resent at times. One that brings a lot of guilt. But, sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
6. A woman respected for her wisdom and age.
Yeah, not sure my kids are calling me wise yet. Old, yup. Heck, I have been 40 for about 5 years now and I am only 37. I can say I am respected for my meanie-ness, my annoying-ness. Oh, and I'm also "sooo embarrassing." I'm thinking my wisdom will be respected later. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
7. The biggest or most significant example of its kind.
Wow! There is power in that, wouldn't you say? The most significant...wow! It's in us, ladies. It's in me. I need to make sure, though, that my example is one that will lead my children to God, to happiness, to family, to love. That's huge. Moms are important.
That's what I want to be. That kind of mom.
Yes, yes. I know. Having five children kinda puts me into that category. But I want to be more mom. What does that even mean, right?
I googled Mom, because we all know that Google knows everything....and if it doesn't, then it can take us to a place that does. Here. is what I found.
Mother:
1. A female person whose egg unites with a sperm, resulting in the conception of a child. Ummm...that must have happened...five times. No problem with conception. At. All.
2. A female person who is pregnant with or gives birth to a child
Oh, I know that happened five times. Felt that for sure.
3. A woman who raises a child.
Sounds simple, right? Phwwtttt! That "raising" spans 27+ years of my life. That seems to be the hardest part about being a mother, the raising, wouldn't you agree?
4. A creative source.
Is this an option? We have to be creative in every sense. Creative in distraction of our young children. Creative in the meals. Creative in the budgeting. Creative in the school projects department. Discipline. Instructing. Chore charting. Etc.
5. A woman who holds a position of authority or responsibility
This is the un-fun part of being a mom. Sometimes it's not all fun and games. I have had to work my whole momy-ed life. It's a necessary responsibility. One I resent at times. One that brings a lot of guilt. But, sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
6. A woman respected for her wisdom and age.
Yeah, not sure my kids are calling me wise yet. Old, yup. Heck, I have been 40 for about 5 years now and I am only 37. I can say I am respected for my meanie-ness, my annoying-ness. Oh, and I'm also "sooo embarrassing." I'm thinking my wisdom will be respected later. Keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
7. The biggest or most significant example of its kind.
Wow! There is power in that, wouldn't you say? The most significant...wow! It's in us, ladies. It's in me. I need to make sure, though, that my example is one that will lead my children to God, to happiness, to family, to love. That's huge. Moms are important.
That's what I want to be. That kind of mom.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Yes sirrreee!
Guess what.
Sometimes, I say....no. To my kids.
Yeah, I know. I know. I'm Horrible Mean Mother.
"Say yes to your children as often as you can." That's the new good parenting motto.
Really? Really? How is that good? I understand that children should be allowed to be children. And that we should choose our battles. But sometimes, the answer is no. Plain and simple.
And guess what. I say no.
"No, you have to pull your pants up. Everyone does not want to see your rearend cleavage."
"No, you can't skip your bath today because despite what you think, that isn't a tan on your leg. It's called dirty."
"No, we can't have ice cream for dinner because then it will be gone when I need to go to my special place in the middle of the night."
But in order to conform...in order to appease...in order to be Best Mom Evah.....I have come up with a plan to say yes more often.
Wanna hear it?
Child: "Mom, can I play the Wii?"
Me: "Yes. Three days from now, you can play the Wii." See, good mom.
Child "Can I buy a toy?"
Me: "Yes, of course my sweet child. You can work your little tail off for 4 weeks and earn just enough to get that toy you want. Have fun!" Great mom!
Child: "Mom. Can I stay home from school even though I'm not sick?"
Me: "Yes. That would be very helpful because someone will need to take over my daily duties of cleaning and washing and slaving while I take an extended vacation at the local jail. That would be fantastic! Thanks for volunteering!"
What do you think?
Sometimes, I say....no. To my kids.
Yeah, I know. I know. I'm Horrible Mean Mother.
"Say yes to your children as often as you can." That's the new good parenting motto.
Really? Really? How is that good? I understand that children should be allowed to be children. And that we should choose our battles. But sometimes, the answer is no. Plain and simple.
And guess what. I say no.
"No, you have to pull your pants up. Everyone does not want to see your rearend cleavage."
"No, you can't skip your bath today because despite what you think, that isn't a tan on your leg. It's called dirty."
"No, we can't have ice cream for dinner because then it will be gone when I need to go to my special place in the middle of the night."
But in order to conform...in order to appease...in order to be Best Mom Evah.....I have come up with a plan to say yes more often.
Wanna hear it?
Child: "Mom, can I play the Wii?"
Me: "Yes. Three days from now, you can play the Wii." See, good mom.
Child "Can I buy a toy?"
Me: "Yes, of course my sweet child. You can work your little tail off for 4 weeks and earn just enough to get that toy you want. Have fun!" Great mom!
Child: "Mom. Can I stay home from school even though I'm not sick?"
Me: "Yes. That would be very helpful because someone will need to take over my daily duties of cleaning and washing and slaving while I take an extended vacation at the local jail. That would be fantastic! Thanks for volunteering!"
What do you think?
Monday, August 20, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
I learned it from my kids: Rice Take
I've been feeling like my children need to learn how to do things on their own. Partly so they can become responsible adults someday. Mostly because I am tired of doing everything. Yeah, I know. I'm selfish that way.
I decided I would start this past Sunday. We were having friends over to eat and were having Hawaiian Haystacks. This recipe calls for rice. Cooked rice. Great! We have a rice cooker so surely Kobe could handle it with no problem. Right?
Cooking Rice: Take One
He pulls out the rice container and fills it up with the rice and the water.
"Now what?" he asked.
"Okay, now put it in the rice cooker," I instructed.
Easy enough, right?
I look back and he is pouring the rice and water into the cooker....instead of setting the container in it. Pouring it in. Ack!!!! Praying it wasn't broken, we cleaned it out.
Cooking Rice: Take Two
Once again he measures the rice. Once again, he measures the water. This time, he puts the container of rice and water into the rice cooker, pushes start and off we go.
By this time, our friends have arrived and we visited while we waited for the rice to finish. Okay, let's be honest, Hubs visited, I finished cutting up the veggies.
Finally the rice beeps done and we are ready to eat. I open cooker. All it took was one look to know that he hadn't added enough water. Ugh! There was really no time to fix it. Everyone was ready to eat.
So eat it we did. Or at least some of us did. It was only a little crunchy. The adults ate with no complaining, but the youngers took one bite and they were done.
Cooking Rice: Take Three
We ended up making one more batch. This time it was perfect. Only it was about 40 minutes late.
Overall it was a memorable experience. He learned how not to cook rice. Isn't that how life is sometimes. We learn to do things by doing them wrong. Making mistakes. Trying again. And again. And sometimes one more again. We try and try until we get it right. Or at least right-er.
Next stop, laundry!
I decided I would start this past Sunday. We were having friends over to eat and were having Hawaiian Haystacks. This recipe calls for rice. Cooked rice. Great! We have a rice cooker so surely Kobe could handle it with no problem. Right?
Cooking Rice: Take One
He pulls out the rice container and fills it up with the rice and the water.
"Now what?" he asked.
"Okay, now put it in the rice cooker," I instructed.
Easy enough, right?
I look back and he is pouring the rice and water into the cooker....instead of setting the container in it. Pouring it in. Ack!!!! Praying it wasn't broken, we cleaned it out.
Cooking Rice: Take Two
Once again he measures the rice. Once again, he measures the water. This time, he puts the container of rice and water into the rice cooker, pushes start and off we go.
By this time, our friends have arrived and we visited while we waited for the rice to finish. Okay, let's be honest, Hubs visited, I finished cutting up the veggies.
Finally the rice beeps done and we are ready to eat. I open cooker. All it took was one look to know that he hadn't added enough water. Ugh! There was really no time to fix it. Everyone was ready to eat.
So eat it we did. Or at least some of us did. It was only a little crunchy. The adults ate with no complaining, but the youngers took one bite and they were done.
Cooking Rice: Take Three
We ended up making one more batch. This time it was perfect. Only it was about 40 minutes late.
Overall it was a memorable experience. He learned how not to cook rice. Isn't that how life is sometimes. We learn to do things by doing them wrong. Making mistakes. Trying again. And again. And sometimes one more again. We try and try until we get it right. Or at least right-er.
Next stop, laundry!
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