What does this do...

I should have a warning sign posted on my door that says, "We are not responsible for personal items lost.You may or may not get them back. Consider yourselves warned."

As sad as it is, if you leave something and I am not the one who finds it, chances are, it will not be found. I do have a lost and found because we tend to get lots of visitors, especially lately with graduation, wedding, summertime, temple, etc.  However, it would more appropriately be named : Lost and Found and Then Refound.

The more I clean, the more I find...so I have just decided to stop cleaning. (I wish)

Well, while visiting last month, my dad apparently left his electric razor. I found it about 2 weeks after they left and was wondering whose it was because no-one had called about it. I asked my mom and she assured me it was my dad's.

So, I, not thinking, stuck it in the Lost and Found and Refound box. This was a bad idea because the box is at the same level as my little kids eyes...hence the name Refound. This seems to be the place they come when they are bored and want something new to play with. It usually just has clothes, socks, undies, toothbrushes, etc. Nothing fun, nothing worthy of their attention.

Except this week...

I was sitting by my 10 year old son and I was looking at his arm (for some weird reason) and noticed that there was no hair on his arm.

"What happened to your arm? It looks bald!" I asked.

Kobe: "Oh, I used that electric razor on it. Isn't it cool."

"Are you serious?" I replied.

Brody (5 yr old): "Mine too. Look. And I did my leg. I even tried it on my hair."

Oh isn't that lovely. The funny thing is that they only did it on one side. So half their body looks smooth and slick. The other half is their normal hairy selves.

And so I say this: "We are not responsible for personal items lost or left behind."

Especially electric razors.

Sorry, Dad.

Robbing the Cradle

Our children age us. Not because of how many we have or how old they are...though I am sure these things have brought a few gray hairs to my head. It is because their concept of numbers and age is all scewed.

Let me give you an example.

The other day I bought a slip and slide for my kids. They were busting at the seams with excitement. I told them they had to wait until they had eaten lunch and then we would get it all set up.

Brody, my 5 year old, says, "We have been waiting a hundred years already!"

Me: "A hundred years? Wow. That is older than I am."

Brody: "Well, Daddy is older than you and so he knows."

Me: "How old do you think I am?"

Brody: "40." (Hey now, son, I am only 36.)

Me: "How old is Daddy?"

Brody: "11." (Why couldn't he have said 11 to me? Sigh)

Me: "11? That is younger than 40. You think Daddy is younger than me?"

Brody: (thinking) "Ummm...no. I know how old he is."

Me: "How old?"

Brody: "Forty eleven."

See what I mean. According to my son, I married someone who was 3,971 years older than me. I wasn't even a speck on a clover when he was born.  Talk about robbbing the cradle.

Funny thing is, he doesn't look a day over 39.

Non-moms: Pay attention!

The things we sacrifice to be a mother.

Before I was a mom...

...I woke up early because I wanted to. Now I wake up before the break of dawn to cuddling, giggling kids.

...there were days when I didn't have any laundry...Now I can see how much fun my children had by the amount of MESS they have on their clothes. They are having fun...loads and loads of it. (I couldn't resist.)

...when I was late, I could simply sneak in the back without being noticed. Now, we can't sneak into anything.

...I wore a size 5. Now I have 5 kids and the body to prove it.

...I could park in the compact spots. Now there is nothing compact about us.

...I made could shower everyday.. Now I am lucky if I get a shower every other day.

...I could take as long as I wanted in the shower. Now I can shower in 5 minutes without too much problem.

....I appreciated art. Now there is no piece of art that could replace the pictures of me with arms coming out my ears and legs out my chin standing next to Hubs and children with the caption: i luv mi famlee.

...I could go shopping with just Hubs and have some change left over. Now, I am happy when I only have to take 3 kids with me and I have arranged to have my paychecks directly deposited to Smiths grocery store.

....I thought I knew what love was. Now I know!

Mothers sacrifice a lot to have children.

I grew up hearing that the definition of sacrifice is giving up something good for something better.

There is nothing better than being a mom! Nothing! I would give up the non-mom life in a heartbeat again if I had the choice. It is the hardest and yet most rewarding job, responsibility, joy I have ever had.

SO to all you non-moms out there...try it. You will love it!!!

(Thanks again Mama Kat! You are awesome!)

An apple a day...

Did you all know that the new iPhone is coming out on June 24th? And did you watch the LIVE coverage showing the new changes three days ago? I didn't either. But when I came home and saw that something had happened to my husband, I got a little suspiscious.

He had partaken of the apple...the forbidden fruit. Okay, so it is not so forbidden in our house, considering we both have iPhones. But when I got home from work I found my husband's face glued to the computer screen, jaw on the floor with a puddle of drool next to it. And that is pretty much where he has stayed for the past three days.

Oh, there was the brief interruption when he had to check my phone to see if I qualified for the free upgrade. I did. He didn't. At this point I was ready to take cover, positive he was going to explode right then and there. But he got right on the phone and spoke to the manager's manager's manager. He got approval for the upgrade. We are now on speaking terms again.

I try to have a normal conversation with him (as opposed to the abnormal ones). I try talking about the kids, movies, sports, etc. with him. But I can tell that he isn't really listening. Perhaps it is the blank stare that he gives me... OR maybe it is the random nodding in inappropriate times...OR Maybe it is the apples in his eyes that gives his inattention away. Mostly I can tell he isn't listening because the minute I stop talking (that does happen from time to time) he is right back explaining all the cool things that it can do.

So, am I looking forward to June 24, you may ask? Yes. Yes I am.  Not so much for the upgraded iPhone that I will be getting, though I will admit it is pretty nice. But mostly because I will be getting my husband back.

Who am I kidding? It will be another month before he tires of his new love affair, said iPhone, and remembers that he has a wife and 5 children running around the house.

An apple a day takes my husband away...sniffles. I just want my husband back.

Maybe there's an app for that?

TMI

I have a child who loves to talk. He is 4 years old. He loves to talk. He can talk and talk and talk ....you get the idea. He will talk about the sky. He will talk about bugs. He will talk about the dust on his dresser. This kid can really fill dead air like no other. He has the gift of gab...as my grandma calls it.

He talks so much that no-one wants to share a room with him because the talking comes out more at night. It is then that the questions come out.

"Mom, why do we have a chin?"
"Why do we need socks?"
"Why do we wear underwear?"
"Why do we need the sun?"

Not necesarily hard questions to answer, but it is bedtime and if it isn't me he is asking, it is his tired older brother. It is actually quite endearing.

He also will tell you a lot more than you need to know, than you want to know.  TMI is his middle name. I think that the filter in his brain is not yet fully developed....you know, the one that reminds you what is appropriate and what is inappropriate to say out loud.

With that introduction, let me tell you about a little conversation that took place this weekend with Camden (talking son) and my brother-in-law (we will call him Bob...because that is his reall name.)

Camden enters the room where Bob and other cousins are playing.

Bob: "Hey Camden! What are you doing?"

Camden: "I just went pee." Slight pause."And poop." Long pause. "I went pee and poop."

Bob: (laughing) "Thanks for sharing."

Camden: After thinking for a few second, (a little disgusted) "I didn't share it with anyone."

That's my boy!

Wondering...

I was wondering...
 
Have you ever NOT exercised for like 4 months and then all of a sudden decide to do it one day and then you wake up the next day unable to walk up and down the stairs, much less roll out of bed?

Have you ever dreamed that you were Brad Pitt and you were making out with a girl...only to take a closer look and see that it is you that you (as Brad Pitt) are making out with?

Have you ever re-watched some of those films we watched when we were young and thought, "What were my parents thinking to let me watch that when I was a kid?"

Have you ever not realized how bad they were until you showed them to your children? **Gremlins...not a good show**

Have you ever left your 4 week old baby in the car on accident while you and Hubs went into a party and not even notice until someone asks you, "Where is your baby?" (It was only 15 minutes, but still...what were you thinking??)

Have you ever taken 7 kids ranging in age from 1 to 10 years old to watch Shrek Forever After on Memorial Day and when they told you how much it costs bit your tongue because what else are we going to do?

Have you ever fallen asleep telling your children a story that starts out sounding like Rumplestilskin but ended with you talking about paying bills and cooking dinner?

Have you ever just decided that the pillow and sheet that are covered in vomit just aren't worth cleaning up and thrown them away? 

Have you ever secretly wished that we still walked the Earth in leaves because it sure would save us all a whole lot of time on laundry, shopping and dry cleaning?

Have you ever told your children to go get their clothes on because you were going to the store and had them come out with an outfit like this:

(Don't think he wanted his picture taken.)

Have you?

Me either.

I was just wondering...

(Thanks for the prompt, Mama Kat!)

Lessons in Poop

I don't know anyone who likes to be sick. Especially the curl-up-in-a-ball-and-wish-you-were-dead stomach ache sick. I can handle throwing up...I don't love it, but once you throw up, things usually get better. But it is when the sick is in limbo that I have a problem.

Is the sick here to stay for a while? Is it supposed to come out? And if so, which end? I hate that. It is even worse when it is my child because they aren't able to really communicate where the pain is.

One of my children woke up this morning screaming bloody murder. (I would tell you which one but she this child is really private and wouldn't like to be identified.) We are talking shatter-the-window screaming. It was a joy to wake up to...really hope that happens more often.

She This child was obviously in a lot of pain, but at that point there wasn't much that I could do for her them. I tried rubbing her back, but that wasn't helping. I asked if she had considered praying for help. She asked me to say it,(because the screaming still hadn't stopped.) and so I just asked that whatever was that was hurting her, would pass through her quickly.

The next thing I know, I hear, "Please let it be poop. Please let it be poop. I want it to be poop!!" recited and repeated over and over again.

It is not often that you hear this kind of plea coming from ANYONE. I was tempted to show her the gagging trick just to speed along the process. But that little trick could come back and haunt us both later, so I held my tongue.

After forever passed (it was actually a few minutes but high pitch screaming tends to make things seem longer than they actually are) I hear this:

"Please, Heavenly Father. I beg of you! Why don't you ever answer me? Please, let it come out. Why are you making me hurt like this. Please...PLEASE!"

At this point I sat down by her and explained that He was indeed listening to her. "He made our bodies, which are pretty amazing things. When there is something is in our body that will make it sick, our bodies work really hardtot get it out. So even though it hurts, He is answering your prayers."

I thought that her last prayer was an interesting one. How often, do we, as His children, beg Him to remove our pain because it hurts too much. We are so focused on the present hurting that we can't see the amazing process that is happening in our lives. We can't see His hand in our suffering.

He is there and knows what is best. We may pray "Let it be poop," which may translate into something like, "Let me find a job." or "Tell me what to do with this kid." I know I sometimes tell the Lord what to do to make my life better. But He may see that throwing up is better, or that a little bit of cramping will bless me later on with empathy. Whatever the case may be, He will help us out.

So this morning, I thank my daughter child for teaching me a lesson about suffering and prayer.