Repost: Nothing says I love you like this....

I recycle because I am tired...AND... because funny doesn't become UNfunny with time.

So enjoy this RE-post!! (It's one of my favs)

 

Last night, my Camden chose a book for me to read to my kids before they went to bed. He chose "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. This is one of my all time favorites. It is about a mommy raccoon and a young raccoon and his first day at school. The child doesn't want to go to school, he wants to stay at home with his mommy and friends and play. The mommy tells him that we all have to do things we don't like sometimes.

She then tells him a secret that has been passed down in her family. She takes the child's hand and kisses the middle of it. She tells him that anytime he feels lonely or sad, he can put his hand to his face and he will feel her love fill him up. The child likes this and is satisfied.

Now it is time for the raccoon to head into school. The mom is feeling sad, so the child runs back and kisses his mom's hand so that she can feel his love, because we all know she is the one who really needs it anyway.

Such a sweet story. I don't mind reading it over and over to my kids. So last night as I was reading it, when we got to the kissing hand part, I kissed Camden on the hand and he smiled. So sweet.

Then it was time for the raccoon to go to school and he kisses his mom's hand. Camden grabs my hand, spreads open my fingers, leans in and....

SPITS!!

Lovely! I looked down at the puddle of spit in my hand, wondering what I should do with it. Definately I wasn't going to be putting it to my face so I could feel warm fuzzies.

I must say, however, that that little act of kindness made me laugh all through the night and all day today. I laughed so hard I got the hiccups. His spit was so much more effective at making me smile than a mere kiss on the hand would have been...by far!

Nothing says "I love you" like spit!

Numbers

In the last 3 days we have had:

1 broken arm (very steep slide + a total lightweight = trouble)

6 hours in the sun (End of the year kickball tournament and outdoor water party.)
 
3 applications of aloe vera on my sunburned arms (I'm hot. What can I say?)

20 out of town visitors (Hotel Burns is now open for the summer)

4 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours  (Typical really.)

15 minutes in between vomiting episodes for 3 hours. (First time for my baby. I always feel worse when  babies are sick.) 

5 hours walking around the mall looking for a dress (Have I ever mentioned that I HATE shopping.)

1 wedding (My oldest niece is getting married tomorrow.)

0 minutes left to blog. (I even missed writer's workshop...sniffles.)

You do the math...I was never good at numbers anyway. See ya next week!!

Erase, Erase, Erase!

Forgiveness is....

...not saying anything when your husband washes your nice, white Sunday shirt with the bright, red, unwashed table cloth.

...not kicking the dog who got into the garbage and spread it all over the back yard the night before family comes into town for the wedding.

...kissing the child who has had it in for you all day long because on this day, no matter what you do, it isn't going to be enough.

...biting your tongue when the idiot talking on his cell phone cuts you off as you are pulling out of the shopping center.

...not calling the guy an idiot.

...one of the hardest things to do.

...even harder to ask for.

...admitting you're wrong.

...something a mother asks for everyday.

And so, since I publicly blamed my 15 month old for losing my key card, I figured it only fair that I publicly confess that I lost it. I left it in my station and it was turned into my supervisor.

So, my son, forgive me. I was wrong.

Forgiveness...

Lord, please grant it to me everyday of my life. You know I need it!!

Caller, are you there?

I remember when I was little thinking what it would be like if you could see people on the phone when they called you. Can you imagine. You would have to make sure you looked just right before you said hello.

Well, as Brad Paisley says, "Welcome to the future." This is what I do every day for my second job. I see people on their phones. It is actually quite an amazing thing...allowing people who have been basically silent for years to finally have a voice. So to be part of that is great.

That being said, there are also some really interesting things that I see as a VRS interpreter...things I don't necessarily want to see. I also have to say things that I would never say myself. NEVER. NEVER!! Plus there are just some funny things that you hear. Let me share with you what I do everyday.

Things you see on a VRS call:

Nose picking...lots of it. Don't they know that we can see them? Of course they do, because they are signing to me...I guess they just don't care. Along the same lines, I have seen pimple popping, hair primping, loogie spitting (on their carpet...gross). It is just plain joy to serve these people.

Lies...oh yes...you can see a lie. Especially when they say they are Mary but clearly they are Jack.

Shirtless men, nursing mothers, naked children, and body parts that no one should see on a phone call.

Excitement, disappointment, devistation, anger, heartbreak, mourning, frustration, empowerment, rudeness,  love. Lots of love.

Things you hear on a VRS call:

Way too much hold music. Why don't they just play the radio? There is some hold music that makes me sick to my stomach. Ugh.

Way to many phone trees: "If you're calling for technical support, press one; for sales press two; to talk with someone who will not be able to help you but will transfer you to 5 other people, please press three." (More times than not, this is the number they choose...sigh)

A TON of people misunderstanding what the relay service is about: "No. No. We don't want any. Click." "No, we don't have any of those here." "Death person? I don't know anyone who is death."

Scamming. BIG TIME scamming. Suckering old deaf women into sending money across seas. Desperate men who send money to pay for a ticket for a wife they have never met over and over and over again. Sad, really.

Just plain funny:
Hearing person (obviously driving in a car), "So they are going to be able to see me?" Me: "No, not unless you have a video phone in your car."

Deaf caller, "You are as beautiful as the Mona Lisa." (Is that considered a compliment?)

Deaf caller, "Taxes? I don't want to pay taxes! No, I won't! Doesn't the government know that Deaf people don't have money!!"

The best part of VRS

I love being involved with first time calls from child to parent, grandchild to grandparent. These people have never really heard their child's voice. They may understand basic signs, but that is baby language really. It is different when it is interpreted into the beautiful language that it is.

I love seeing Deaf individuals standing up for their rights; educating doctors and schools and individuals about how equal access is important and that they can do ANYTHING that someone else can do except hear. I love those calls.

I love processing calls where love and respect between parent and child runs thick. There is a deep understanding of each other and their needs. I love those calls.

In short:

If you have to work outside the home, it is a great job to have. All of it.

The good, the bad and the ugly!!

So I Married a Deaf Man: Bedtime

If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? Isn't that the question? A similar question is asked in our house "If you put the kids to bed at night and there is no-one there to hear them, do they make a sound?"

For example:

Ah, bedtime...the most stressful time of the day. Not for myself...heck I shout for joy and do THE Steve Carell dance when it is MY bedtime. No, I am talking about the 8pm bedtime for my rodents rascals.

Such a chore. There's putting on PJ's and convincing my 5 year old that the clothes he wore all day are NOT PJ's. Then there is the brushing of the teeth...
"All done."
"You were only in there for like 30 seconds. You couldn't have brushed your teeth."
"Yes. I did."
"Let me smell."
"FINE! I will brush them."
(Seriously, I am going to buy a timer and turn it on and they can't stop brushing until the timer goes off....grrr.)

Then there is the whole reading books, tucking in, giving kisses...back up for water....back up for music...back up for "I love you's" ...back up for help going potty...again.  And so it goes. From start to finish it takes about 45 minutes. Very tiring.

My husband doesn't get it. He says that when he does bedtime (and I am not there) the kids go right to sleep and it isn't a problem. Really?? Are you kidding me? He assures me that once the teeth are brushed and the stories are read, the kids get right in bed and they go to sleep.

I have always felt a little bad about that. What am I doing wrong (besides giving in to their every whim)? Why can he get them down in 10 minutes when it takes me 45. Part of it has to be the man vs mom thing. But really? 10 minutes??

I recently found out why.  I got off early the other day and got home at about bedtime. I snuck in (I can do this with my deaf husband) and sat down in the livingroom to listen. My husband was sitting at the computer table while what sounded like a circus was going on upstairs.

I could hear children yelling jokes back and forth, the baby was yacking up a storm, someone was singing and I think I even heard a recorder being played. It didn't sound like any bedtime I had ever heard. And yet, there my husband sat, thinking sweet dreams were being had by all. I listened to the chaos upstairs for a while and just had to laugh.

So, I pose the question: "If you put the kids to bed at night and there is no-one there to hear them, do they make a sound?"

You be the judge.

Everyone needs to smile a little...

I thought this video was hilarious. Thought that I would share. Enjoy!


And here is one more for good measure...

Child Magnet

Bathrooms....such a wonderful invention. Especially the indoor kind. It can be a place to rest, to read, or to merely do your business. With a small push, all things ugly are flushed into an unknown, undisclosed place. Pretty much THE best invention of this century.

Mommy...what could be better? A nice soft person, who will pretty much take care of all your needs. She will bath you, she will feed you, she will read to you. And even she will wipe your bummy from time to time. One of God's greatest creations, wouldn't you say?

For some reason, when the two are put together, children can't stay away. It is like mommy IN the bathroom is a child magnet. You can sneak away when no-one is looking, you can lock the door, you can run, but you can't hide. They will find you. Oh yes, they will.

This is the typical happening at my house. It doesn't matter if they are in the middle of a movie, playing Lego's, or sleeping. It is like there is a special bell that goes off that only children can hear. Dogs may also hear it, but it has yet to be determined if the dog is simply following the children or if he can hear the bell as well.

However, yesterday an odd thing happened. I went to the restroom, closed the door, sat down, and that was it. No-one came knocking at the door, no-one found a key or a knife or a coin to unlock the door. All was silent. "How nice," I thought.

How nice, indeed, until I came out and saw what my baby had done.

My bag, which I refuse to call a purse because only old people have those...(yes, I know..I am so not hip...and I'm okay with that..)...had been left on the chair. While I was enjoying my little get away, (how sad is that?) my baby decided he was going to go through it for me.

There are a lot of unnecessary things in my bag. Really old receipts, candy wrappers, programs, socks, toys, tampons, you name it, it is in there. But there are actually some pretty important thing too. Money, my wallet which holds the credit card, debit cards, check book, the ONLY pen that I can ever find that works. AND it holds the key card that gets me into my work.

So I come out and realize that he has decided it was time to clean out mommy's bag. Papers everywhere. Wallet open and cards flung all over the floor. Where is that pen!!! I collected my things and was putting them back into their place when I noticed that my key card was missing.

I have looked high and low...mostly low because he is pretty short. I have looked EVERYWHERE.

 ***Insert my own annoying voice saying, "You haven't looked everywhere because you would have found it." ***

 It is nowhere! NOWHERE! I cleaned and looked. I searched the garbage...that was really quite fun, let me tell you. Toy boxes have been dumped, cushions have been moved, sand castles destroyed. The next option is to sift through diapers (he would have choked on the card before he could have digested it, but I put nothing past that child.).  Nowhere, people! Nowhere!!

Big sigh!!

Why couldn't he have just followed me into the bathroom? Where is that bell?

Enjoy your weekend!